Sensitive to the touch

I went out to karaoke last night. That's exciting to me, because I rarely go out. I live in a little country ass town, in which I did not grow up. I have found it difficult to meet people, but I';m sure that's my fault. I think that I'm a nice person, but not a necessarily friendly person - if that makes any sense. I know this is true because last night, the (white) guy that was with us has only been living in this town since this past Sunday. Not even a week after his arrival, he is out with 3 black women!!!! So, I need to get out more.
I was a little uncomfortable last night. One of my Sorrors must have used the word NIGGA about 90 times last night!! Don't get me wrong... I don't have a problem with the word, but I would NEVER use it in the company of white folk. The one time that I did, by mistake, I decided to stop using the word all together. I figured that I must have been using it entirely too much, if I would make the mistake of using it in front of some white boy that I barely knew. Granted, I was talking to another black person at the time, but that was just over the top.
How do I know that homeboy won't get the impression that NIGGA is a cool word, mix it up in his vocabulary, and spit it out the next time he hangs out with us (or anyone for that matter). That is crazy. Am I over sensitive to this matter?

Interesting news...

I'm going to the CIAA tournament. I just found out that an old FRIEND is going as well. Now, the likelihood of me RUNNING into him is SLIM. Unless..... I call him and plan to meet up with him.
I would love to see him because I just like the way he looks. :-) It has been a couple of years since we have seen eachother and I'm over him, but I'm also starving for affection. I am NOT getting it from my BF and I need some attention!!!
The downside is that as cute as he is, he really isn't worth the trouble. He's nice to look at, but his conversation leaves much to be desired. Sex with him is a real snooze. Trust me... I tried it a couple of times, just to make sure that he wasn't just having a bad night. lol
So why do I even bother??? I DON'T KNOW!! I GUESS I'M JUST BORED!!! I know I should not call him, unfortunately I am not certain that I won't.

Am I really that crazy?

I've never considered myself to be a particularly jealous person... Until this year. I have had a terrible time... I am 3o years old and I had NEVER done a DRIVE BY - until this year!!!
After not hearing from BF late at night and not being able to get in touch with him. I left my house at 3 in the morning and drove past his house to if there was anyone parked over there!!!!! Obviously there wasn't. Otherwise, I would be blogging from jail. lol - this relationship has REALLY had me tripping, lately. (note- it only takes 5 minutes to get to his house, from my mine....3 when I'm mad)
Usually. I'm a pretty trusting person. I've have had my share of good & bad relationships, but through it all I have prided myself in NOT being the prodding, doubting, questioning Girlfriend. Either you told me the truth or you didn't. If it was a lie, I would deal with it when I found out and go about by business.
The relationship between my BF and I has been so rocky that I have questioned him - on several occasions. It had gotten to the point that I'm surprised we didn't break up over the questions- alone.
The good news is that I've gotten over that part... I figure whatever will be, will be. There is NO need to drive myself insane over things that I have no control over. Our relationship is better, but nothing like it was 7 months ago. :-( The shit was driving me CRAZY.
To remedy my impending insanity, I have decided to back off for a bit. If this relationship works out, it will be because he put in some effort. Otherwise, we'll just kinda melt away. (sad) I don't call like I used to. He has got to step up to the plate!!! Unfortunately, it's 3:00 and we haven't talked since about 9 this morning. Now, this may not be shocking to some, but we used to ALWAYS talk throughout the day.... For the second day in a row. :-( This is so sad to me. Oh well, I feel as though I have done everything that I know to do. I'll just have to see how this works out...

Boys are weird...

Last night, I got an email from an ex. We have a looong history, although we've been broken up for longer than our relationship lasted.
N.E. Way-
he emails: Hey stranger how are you. You were just on my mind after looking through our year book. So I thought I would say hi since it been a minute since our last communication.
I email:
Hey!
What's up? There is nothing exciting going on. I'm at work, as usual - slaving myself to death. lol, this better be worth it in the long run!!
Work is slow today, so it seems like I have been here FOREVER!! I just helped a friend of mine get a loan approval for a car, so I guess that's exciting.
What's new in your 'hood?
he emails: Nothing much just trying to be the best father to my daughter.
I email: great idea!!

Ok, Is it me? or is that a weird exchange?? What a weirdo!
BACKGROUND: I USED TO GO BANANAS OVER THIS BOY!! WE HAVE KEPT IN TOUCH FOR YEARS OVER THIS WONDERFUL LITTLE THING CALLED THE INTERNET. I'M OVER THAT NOW, SO I'M COOL WITH JUST BEING FRIENDS. SO THE COMMENT ABOUT THE DAUGHTER JUST SEEMED REALLY ODD.

Love Sux...

...Or maybe it's just my boyfriend that sux!
Here's the situation. My BF & I started out under REALLY weird circumstances. (He was a new hire at my Dad's firm, where I also worked) I had not long been broken up with a guy that I dated for 7 years, when we met. So, it took me a REALLY long time to come around and get serious about this relationship. I'm not one of those people that falls in love at the drop of a dime - it's hard for me, what can I say???
Ok, so we've made it through all of that... everything has been goin' really well. I even received a ring for my last birthday! It wasn't THE big time engagement ring, but a symbol of where we've been and where we're headed. <- His words, not mine. Well, now, he's completely different. I'm mean like a totally different person. He doesn't take time to call like he used to. He's not the sensitive, intelligent, communicating man that I fell in love with. The problem is that I KNOW the type of man that he can be and HAS been for the past fews years, so it's hard to just let him go. What's a girl to do?? We have talked more times than I care to mention. It's so frustrating!! I wanna just scream!!!
Now, to his defense... he has a ton of stuff going on in his life. He hates his job, he has deadbeat BM, and his family is a mess. All of that... plus me. This is the problem: How can he be expected to handle all of that and me??? But that's exactly what I expect. We we so happy, for so long!! Now we're just barely making it.... What the hell??