I'm Only Human, Dammit!

Last night, I was looking around on my computer and I found some old emails between 24 and myself. Now, 24 & I go waaay back to high school. He was not my first love, but there is something between us that neither one of can (or will) shake. Though he has gotten married and has a daughter, we still keep in touch via email. The conversations that we have had have been very interesting and a lot of them I have saved on this very computer. I had forgotten about a lot of the stuff that we have talked about, but when I was reviewing the emails, I had to LITERALLY Laugh Out Loud. One of the best emails consists of him telling me that he had some concerns about the upcoming class reunion...

"Hey stranger long time no hear from you. I need to talk to you about a little personal concern I have about our reunion. Would it be alright for me to call you one night to talk about it. If so give me a number where I can contact you at."

Now, given our "connection" I already knew what the deal was. Prior to his getting married, he asked if I would be cool with being his mistress... WTF?? I think he had me confused with some chick that is not very demanding. Anyway, I'm a player in this game of cat and mouse, so I guess it's my turn...

"WHAT KIND OF PERSONAL CONCERN DO YOU HAVE?"

In my opinion, that should have let him know that I was not about to go along with this bullshit. I mean, he knows me pretty well at this point. But he wants to continue with the game and I'm always down to straighten a negro out.

"The concern I have is seeing you at our class reunion. I feel that when we see each other it may be a little awkward for the both of us and I don't want us to feel that way. "

How kind of him... he is really taking my feelings into consideration, right?? Whatever!!! This is all about him, his wife & his guilt. So here goes...

"Ok, I figured that that was your concern, but why would you feel awkward? I know that we have a long history, but if you are comfortable in your situation, then there is no need to feel awkward. Unless, after all this time, you still have feelings. Do you? That's a rhetorical question, but it maybe something you need to consider. By the way- I am comfortable with the way things turned out, after all, I didn't have a choice. Let me assure you that I will be just fine during the reunion and I hope that you will be as well. Through all of this, I realized a long time ago that the feelings I had for you weren't going to amount to anything. And that's ok. It has been for a long time. I hope that I have cleared up any concern that you have and we don't have to have some long drawn out conversation about something that is as 'fixed' as it will ever be. There is so much more that could be said, but we will always end up in the same position that we have always been in, so I'll just leave it alone. ~J"

That was just one of the times that we had to exchange words over his craziness. For a while, he would come at me with crazy shit about twice a year. One other time, he needed clarification about whether or not I was sitting around waiting for him to "slip up and let me back into his life". Huh? Like I need a formal invitation. See, this leads me to believe that even though he knows me, he don't really know me. lol Anyway, I'll post that one at another time.... The reason that I'm posting about him today is because we have had yet another interesting exchange. This one was instigated by me- did I mention that I am not always an innocent stander by? This is just one of the things that I do for fun when I'm bored and things b/t me and BF are out of place...

Last night, I emailed him...

"Hey! I was looking through some old stuff and I came across your name. We've had some interesting conversations over the years... ;-) Anyway, I was just reminiscing... Remember the conversation we had about the reunion?? And the one about your friend suggesting that I was sitting around waiting for you?? lol... funny. Anyway, you were on my mind this evening, so I just wanted to drop in and say hello. HELLO! I'll chat w/ ya, soon!!"

Today, he emailed me back... Of course he would because if he didn't, the game would not be as interesting as it has been over the years. SO he says

"Oh now I'm old stuff (lol). That's funny because I was just talking about you the other day. I was talking to a friend who's thinking about moving to Virginia. He told me that if he did I couldn't come and visit because it would be to close to you."

Funny that every time we chat, he has JUST been talking to someone about me.

"You? In VA? hmmm... I don't know about that."

To which, he replies...

"That's pretty much what I thought about it. It would be too tempting or should I say you would be too tempting. "

Now the game goes on... I didn't respond, because that shut me up for a little bit. LOL - as much shit as I talk, I would never meet him here in VA. NEVER. I am grown and I know my limitations. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN PHUCKEN MARRIED MEN. That being said, I would never put myself in that situation with him. I am a woman of strong will power, but I'm only human, dammit!