Ms. Behavin' since the 70's

I'm back from my break!

2006-10-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty busy at work, so I've not really had a whole lot of free time to blog.
A couple of notable things have happened since my last entry.
- I have lost a total of 7 pounds!! Yeah for me!!!!!!! 10 more pounds to go before I reach my goal!!! I actually would like to lose more, but I'm on the right track!!!
- I made my reservations to go home to Detroit for a few days in December!!!! Although December is NOT an ideal to be in The D, I have to check my cousin out for her graduation. She's only been in undergrad for 95 years - so I CAN"T miss this!! I'm really excited about goin' because it's been over a year since the last time I was there.

- I had a TERRIBLE LOOKING FUNGUS growing in front of my house this week!!!!!! I swear they looked like several little pink dicks!!! It smells AWFUL and it attracts flys!!!! What kinda shit is this??? I had to get online and find out exactly what it was and how to get rid of it. I almost got sick to my stomach when I read that these things could SPREAD!!! I don't usually have a weak stomach, but I swear I was on the verge of tossin' my damned cookies lookin' at this shit. Then I called my lawn guy and told him that I had something crazy growing in the bushes in front of my house. Why did he say that he had seen it when he came to cut my grass the other day?!?! WTF????? Why would you just leave some shit like that sitting in my yard??? If not remove it IMMEDIATELY - why not call and ask me if I want it burned/poisoned/shot???? Ugh!!!
I had a gardner plant some flowers in my yard earlier this year and I was thinking that next year, I might get out there and plant some stuff myself - but to hell with that!!!! If there's shit like this lurking around in the grass, I DON'T WANT ANY PARTS OF IT!!!
Now that I've grossed you out, have a great weekend!!!

Eleven

2006-09-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

I've lost 4 pounds since 8.24.06!! - That's right - a months to lose 4 pounds!! That's sad, but at least I'm movin' in the right direction.
I've been drinking water like a fish!!! And I know that drinking water has a ton of benefits, but until I REALLY set my mind to losing this 20 pounds I hadn't really been drinking nearly as much as I should. Last night I gave blood (one of my regular activities) and it only took 7 minutes!!!! It's usually a nightmare - and a race to draw one pint before the time limit runs out. Meagan, the Red Cross employee, said that it is probably due to all of the water that I've been consuming over the last 2 weeks. So, drink water & give blood!!!
In 258 days, I'll be on my way to Italy for 7 days!!!!!! Wanna come? Let me know!!
The family "event" that Ol' Boy invited me to, is actually a FAMILY REUNION!!! I'm so glad I had decided NOT to go.
Those Weight.Watcher's carrot cakes are really good but they're so damned little!!!!
24 emailed me Thursday to let me know that he and his wife are expecting another child that is due in March. He wanted to let me know, before my cousin, L.A., told me. (??) How nice of him... lol
There must be something in the water, cuz I know a gang of people that are pregnant. The count is up to 7, including 2 of my cousins, my girl in Charlotte, 2 co-worker's wives, My girl Tam in The D, and now 24's wife!
Both my sister and Mik are trying to get pregnant, so I'm sure that number will be increasing in the near future.
I finally peeled the acrylic off my nails and my finger tips are soooo sore!! Soaking them off would've been a much better choice, but who has that kind of time??? Not me!!!
I paid off BOTH my Tar.get.visa & my Cap.ital.One.Visa this month!!!! I had already cut them up, so I'm well on my way--YEAH!!!!!
It's almost 2:00- which is quittin' time on Saturdays!!

Saturday Rambles

2006-09-16T07:56:00.000-07:00

It's slow today, but I've decided to work every Saturday that I am in town, so here I am. At least I have time to catch up on my blogging.
I was in Winchester for a couple meetings earlier this week. Mo came in from Raleigh and we rode up together. Because both of our schedules have been so hectic lately, we haven't had much time to chat. The few times that we have talked, she has been questioning me about why Ol' Boy and I aren't together. That seems to be everyone's FAVORITE topic these days. I hadn't even had a chance to tell her about to the new development.
As soon as we get in the car, she tells me that she has been seeing some new guy for a few weeks and she's already in love. AGAIN??? WTF??? How is it that she has been "in love" at least 3-4 times- that I can remember over the last 4 years. Is that excessive or am I overly cautious when it comes to matters of the heart?? I do not fall in love easily. So it's hard for me to understand my friends that are in love every other day with someone else. Don't get me wrong, I have had my share of love in this lifetime but it has always been after a LONG while of getting to know the person.
Let's see, there have been 4 loves: JP, 24, Fats, & exBF. Somewhere in between all of them were the much less important bunch of others. Ok, but that's four guys that I've been in love with in 31 years - actually just the last 16 years.
Love & relationships are difficult and seem to be getting more evasive as I get older. Growing up, I never was one of those girls who just knew that I'd be married and have kids, but I have to admit that the last 2 relationships really had me diggin' the idea of it. Now I'm back to square one. Unsure of marriage. The idea of it just doesn't excite me like it did just less than a year ago. I feel unbalanced and unsure about where my life is heading.
Funny how one relationship (w/ exBF) has changed my outlook on "permanent" relationships so drastically. When I first met him - years ago- I was not interested in marriage at all. Then I got to the point that I was in love and wanted to marry him and we talked about it a lot. Now I'm not feeling thw whole marriage thing and although we're not currently together, he still talks about marrying me. Strange, huh?

Have You Ever? (A Meme- of sorts)

2006-09-12T08:45:00.000-07:00

Below is a whole list of things to do. The ones highlighted in pink are the ones that I have done. Feel free to ask questions about any of them and do it yourself if you choose.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen an eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 10 provinces or all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake Dead River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone - Does Detroit count? :-D I spent 17 years there!
92. Buried one of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in aisles at Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an illness that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone's life

I thought this was a cute idea and I found it here.

http://femmenoire.blogspot.com/2006/08/tagged.html

Ol' Boy has a girl!! What??

2006-09-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty busy, lately. Work has been HECTIC!! So, I haven't had much time to blog throughout the day, and using the computer at home in the evening after sitting at a computer ALL day- does NOT appeal to me.
I talked to KV, Mik's sister earlier this week. She was asking me if I had gotten the pix from the wedding developed and we were laughing about some of the funny stuff that had happened over that weekend. She said that every time she showed people the pix of me & ole' Boy - they were askin' how long we have been together and commenting that we look really nice together.
I wasn't shocked, because I've gotten a similar response from the few people that have seen the pix of he and I together. I've separated them from the rest of the group to avoid having to answer questions like "who is that that you're all hugged up with?" and "Why is he kissing you on your forehead?". Until things are finalized (one way or another) with exBF- I'm not flashin' those pix all over the place.
Anyway, KV was askin' had I talked to ole' Boy since that weekend and I told her that I had talked to him a few times - which is only half true. I HAVE talked to him a few times... a week. But she doesn't need to know all of that.
Then she said "I wonder why he can't just get let go". I'm like let go of what? He's my friend, I think he's sweet. She says he needs to get rid of his "live-in" so that he and I can get together.....
Live-In???? Huh?? I didn't say anything, but that comment caught me off guard. When ole' Boy and I met, YEARS ago, he ws dating'/living' with this chick. I had asked him about her and he kept saying that she is nothing to worry about. After a while, I stopped askin' cuz I NEVER could a straight answer & I still had a man, so it wasn't the end of the world.
Now I made 2 assumptions.
1. I assume that this is the same chick from back in the day, cuz who just keeps on moving in w/ everybody that they date??
2. I assumed that she was no longer in the picture.... Not b/c he said anything to lead to believe that this was the case, but b/c I didn't ask and no one ever mentioned her (including him!!!)

Okay, so although I didn't really have a right to be mad- I was!! It took EXTRA effort for me NOT to call him, cuz I knew that if I called - I was gonna start arguing with him. lol - right or wrong, I know me. I was also hoping, for his sake, that he did NOT call me that night. I don't know if I would have been able to hold my tongue.
Luckily for him, he didn't call, but he did text me after I had already fallen asleep. I responded the following morning.
The following night he texted me a few times and then he called. I had already discussed the new development (the live-in) with my girl, Tre, so I felt better and not so much like cussin' him out. :-D
I had told him about so many people sayin' how nice we looked together and that I was going to send him the pictures, but he probably wouldn't receive them - referencing some other pictures that I had sent to him, years ago "that he never got". -now I KNOW why.
He didn't even respond to my comments - probably for the best...
However he did ask if I wanted to go to some family event that his Mom is having in a couple weeks - the same weekend that I'll be visiting Raleigh. Huh?? I told him I would have to think about it.
After thinking it over the following day, I decided that that would just be too crazy. I know a lot of his family and I don't feel like answering a million questions about what's going on with us. It wouldn't be enough to say that I just so happened to be in town for the weekend and he invited me - which is actually the truth.

Watch out!!!!

2006-08-30T05:54:00.000-07:00

I had been waiting for Mik and Weird Boy to get back from the honeymoon so I could find out the scoop on a couple of folks from the Wedding weekend. During the reception, I kept seeing E, one of the bridesmaids, hangin' out with this dude Ty. Not only during the reception, but during the after party as well.
E is this meek looking' little white woman. She's divorced with to childre and fairly quiet.
Ty is a really nice lookin' black guy. He stands about 6'4 - suave brotha- full of game. Definitely an ODD COUPLE- to say the least.
When I asked Mik, she was REALLY concerned!! I don't think this poor child has a chance!
According to Mik:

As for E & Ty, I have to do whatever I have to do to NIP THAT IN THE BUD! She is in WAY over her head. She has NEVER been in any type of relationship with a black man (that I'm aware of), let alone a REAL PLAYA! She wouldn't know what hit her. LOL I've told her not to go there, but I don't think that was enough. They were suppose to go out to dinner last Wed, but he showed up too late so I hear they just
hung out. Which is a no-no in itself. I told her to just meet him wherever they were going and that there was no reason for him to know where she lives. But did she listen to me??? NOPE. He came to her house. Boy, she's in for a real roller coaster ride. I guess I will REALLY have to go there with her. I was trying not to "man-bash" him or even get involved, but at the same time tell her "he's not the one" (or the person he portrays for that matter). But she's not hearing me. She thinks they can "just be friends"!!???? STUPID! Ty isn't interested in having ANY female friends. TRUST THAT!!!! I normally would not get involved in this type of thing, but I can't let her first experience with "our" men, be with a MAJOR MACK! She's so gullible and naive and clueless..... She needs direction. It's so bad, that when I told her he is a Playa.... she had to ask her younger brother what a "Playa" is?????? I couldn't freakin' believe it! That's when I knew an intervention was necessary!!!! LOL

Ok, I didn't even know they still made people that are that damned naive!!! This chick is 'bout to get ran through!!!! She had a really rough time with the divorce and I'm sure she's lonely and in desperate need of attention. Unfortunately for her, the light at the end of the tunnel is a train!!

24 never goes away for long!

2006-08-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

The last time I heard from 24 was on my birthday. He sent an email to let me know that he was thinking about me on my special day.

So, yesterday I get an email...

24: Hey stranger how are you? I was just thinking about you the other day. One of my boys just moved to VA for Law school and I was telling him that you lived there and to stay away from you because you are my other love. By the way what city do you stay in?

ME: I was just thinking about you this morning 'cus it's been a minute since I've heard from you. Your other love? Funny. You worried about your boy runnin' into to me? So, where's he livin'? I'm in killaniggaburg, which is at least 2 hours from EVERYTHING.

24: You know that's funny that you say that you are 2 hours from everything. He's in your city going to L. U.
What were you thinking about this morning since you had me on the brain? When's the next time you think you maybe in town? Never most likely.

ME: WHAT?? That's a crazy coincidence!! We may actually cross paths in this little ass town. What's his name?
I wasn't thinking anything in particular - you just cross my mind every once in a while. I might be in Detroit for a few days in December -one of my cousins is (supposed to be) graduating from Eastern.

24: Oh yeah for the record I'm not worried about you, its more about him. And yes I always referred to you as my other love to my boys.

24: His name is T.O. If you do come, we may have to meet for lunch or something like that.

ME: I'll pencil you in on my social calendar. lol

I'm his other love? huh?? He's married! Why do his boys know about me like that??
I live in the smallest, countriest town- ever!! The liklihood of his friend ending up here from Detroit is WILD!! If 24 EVER comes to this little town for a visit - I will LEAVE for his entire stay!! I do not trust myself around him & trustin' him would be silly. I know what i'm capable of and resisting him, may or may not fit into that category. Better safe than sorry!

The Wedding

2006-08-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

THE REHEARSAL
We got to the church, late- of course. Why cain't black folks be on time?? Everybody was there by the time we, the Bride and Bridal party, arrived. I haven't seen a bunch of those people is years, but the only one I was concerned with was Ol' Boy. It had been so long since I had seen him, but he is still really cute!!
We talked for a few minutes after we were done with the reheasral. We were both all smiles! We didn't have a lot of time to talk, cuz we still had to go home and get ready for the evening festivities!!

THE REHEARSAL DINNER
Not only did we get to the house late for dinner, but when we got there, the guys hadn't even gotten there with the food!!! They were responsible for cookin the food and they were missin' in action!!! By the time they got there with the food, the limo was already there and we had to pack up the food and eat it on the way to the strip club! The limo ride was filled with good food, laughs about all kinds of silly stuff and shots of Cuervo - 4 for me.

THIRD WORLD - THE STRIP CLUB
I haven't been to s strip club in years and I'm happy to say that I don't think that I've missed much! We had reserved 2 tables right up front. Skinny strippers?? No thanx!! I guess that's why the joint is called Third World!! It looked like some of them had skipped more than a few meals.
Some of them girls up in there were just throwin dollars out before the dudes have taken anything off!!! I counted out $30.00 that this chick flicked while this dude was still fully dressed!! WHAT?? Boy, you betta work for these 4 quarters!!! LOL
We finally left from the club around 3 - got home around 4 and was sleep soon after.

THE DRAMA
Saturday was filled with running errands and getting all the last minute things together for the wedding. We had to go pick up our dresses, get our nails done, pick up the flowers, find some last minute accessories and get to the family fish fry. While we were getting our nails done, Big Girl (the grooms sister & bridesmaid) kept talkin' about how she was tryin' tpo hook with this boy, Tone, who was also in town for the wedding. Apparently, Tone and Big Girl have some history and be hittin' eaach other off every once in a while. That is all fine a good, but KV, the brides sister is also talkin' about hookin' up with Tone, cuz the 2 of them have history, too!!! There BOTH tellin' me that they can't wait to check him out that night after the Bachelor party!!! KV knows about Big Girl and Tone, but Big Girl has no idea about KV and Tone!! Unless they were talkin' about a 3some, somebody was gonna be outta luck!

THE WEDDING
It was beautiful!! Mik made a beautiful bride and Weird Boy, the groom, even looked cute!! One of the soloist, Mik's God-mother, sounded AWFUL!!! I wonder if being God-mother gives you the right to sing at the wedding. If so, I'm all over that!!! I'll have to warn Z (God-daughter) that when she's old enough to make that trip down the aisle, I'm gonna be beltin' out some notes - Ceefus and Reese style!

THE RECEPTION & AFTERWARD
Ol' Boy and I spent the majority of the reception together. He is so CUTE!!! It's hard to believe that it's been 3 years since I've seen him!!! He's still not talkin' about much of anything. :-/ How weird. He's obviously feelin' me, but has yet to male any kind of REAL moves... How strange. It's like we're just really good friends... Strange... cuz he was by my side for the entire night.
KV had a party at her house after the reception. All of the younger people showed up ready to drink and have a good time. Aside from a few minutes, me & Ol' Boy chilled out until I left at 5 a.m.
Weird Boy kept telling me that I need to date Ol' Boy. I have no idea where that was coming from. I just blew him off, cuz I wasn't tryin' to get in some in depth conversation. Ol' Boy moves waaay too slowly for me. We've known each other for 6-7 years!!! What's the hold up??

ALL & ALL...
I really enjoyed and needed that weekend. exBF called a couple times and even had the nerve to try to cop an attitude!! What??? When I was tryin' to spend time with his ass, he didn't have time!! What a complicated situation!! And after all of this, it's still not resolved!!!!

I steal these just for fun!!

2006-08-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING? No, but I have received two "promise" rings - neither of which amounted to anything
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP? 7 years
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? I got a gang of stuff for my birthday, which was a couple weeks ago. My favorite was the IPod.
4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE? Who hasn't?
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE? At Myrtle Beach (Bike Week) a few years ago- received several kisses from 'Ol Boy during the game.
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? purses & jewelry
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE? York Peppermint Patty
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?Eyes
9. SOME FAVORITE SONGS? Torn- cuz that's me!!
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? Virginia
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED: De Porres
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER: Verizon Wireless
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE: Sakina's
14. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE? No
15. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE? No, I haven't even thought about doin' that in a grip
16. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY: My Mom- she got the hook up on how to invest and spend wisely
17. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIENDS: I saw Mik a few weeks ago and I'm gonna see her a gain this weekend.
18. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: 5 GUys burgers and fries!! You can't eat there to often or you will end up lookin' like 5 guys!!!
19. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD: My uncle was telling everyone that he was working at my job - which was sooo untrue. He's such a liar.
20. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS? Anywhere... We love to talk and we love to eat!
21. CAN YOU COOK? Yes, but I rarely do.
22. WHERE'S 25 DOUCHE? huh?
23. BEST KISSER: I guess, exBF- It's been so long since I've kissed anyone else.
24. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: July 16th
25. MOST DISLIKED FOODS: green peas, carrots, onions & green/red peppers
26. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:My legs
27. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:My lack of discipline
28. CAN YOU SING?Not really, but that doesn't stop me from tryin'.
29. LAST KISS? I think it's been a week or two
30. LAST MOVIE WATCHED: Miami Vice
31. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT: Keys
32. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT: ANywhere that is NOT the little ass town...
33. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:Both
34. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?: Where the hell is Don "DC" Curry???
35. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES? Depends
36. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT? No one - major problem right now.
37. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK? No, not good. My mind starts to wander after a little while
38. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST? French Toast
39. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE? It's alright
40. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? Scrambled hard with cheese
41. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? I think it's entertaining.
42. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? a disgruntled customer
43. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?: Mecole
44. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:"You ain't never been scared of shit, cut it out. But I may make you a li'l nervous. :-)"
45. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:2
46. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: Capris and a tshirt- nothin fancy
47. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC: That's right, I'm freaky baby and I would like to freak you- you & you- So what cha gonna do?
48. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J? Strawberry Smuckers
49. CAN YOU PLAY POOL? Well, if I cheat, I can play any game. ;-) .
50. CAN YOU SWIM? I do alright, but I can't save yo ass.
51. FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Pralines and Cream or Cookies and Cream
52. DO YOU LIKE MAPS? No.
53. TELL ME A FEW RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF: I always carry my Ipod, Digital camera & cell phone - I miss my girls that I grew up with back home. Gray is my favorite color.
54. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON: Spring ... new blooms and fresh air
55. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID? The other day- I love that Hardees milk shake comercial!
56. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?6:30AM.
57. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER? Hot Tea, sweaters, and snow
58. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH: Hmmm.... I have a lot going on, but a crush?? The jury is still out on that
59. WHAT IS THE FIRST LETTER IN UR CRUSHES NAME: undecided
60. DO YOU THINK SEX IS COOL OR OVERRATED: I guess it depends... right now it's neither cool nor overated, just M.I.A.
61. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND? I just got back from exBF's house. Tomorrow, I goin out to dinner w/ one of my girls
62. WHAT IS YOUR BIRTHDATE? July 16, 1975
63. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE: Happy & Loved
64. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:No
65. ARE YOU SMILING?:Nope
66. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW:Nope
67. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO? London- I 've been before and I loved it. 68. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL? No
69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME: Sidney
70. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?: Black
71. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?: Nope- done w/ the whole school thing
72. LATEST INJURY?: I have water in my eardrum and it is driving me crazy!!!!
73. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER: biological, no? Soul sisters? Definitely!
74. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?: no
75. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL? Yes
76. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE in PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW? No
77. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?Yes... Movado watch and an omega chain w/ a slide
78. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY? Probably talking to exBF and texting JP
This post was stolen from You Told Harpo To Beat Me.

Such is life...

2006-08-05T07:41:00.000-07:00

Well, we went to the movies and managed to have an ok time. He was pretty quiet and I asked him what was up, but he didn't have too much to say. The movie was good and I tried to keep everything light and fun.
When we got back to my house, he stayed for a little while. We sat on opposite ends of the couch, watchin T.V. - neither of us sayin' much of anything. :-/ After about 30 minutes, he said he was about to go, so I walked him outside. I told him that I had understood what he had been tryin' to tell me the night before and that I was sorry that he thought that I had been smothering him. He apologized for actin' the way he had been for months and said he appreciated that I stayed in it as long as I did... We talked for about 20 minutes and then I went in the house... frustrated by the situation and horny- just because it's been a while.
I called him when I got in the bed and he sounded happy/surprised to hear from me. I had gotten to the point that I rarely called him in the evenings. He said that he woud like to go on a weekend getaway- just the two of us if I'm up to it. Sounds like a good idea, maybe we can get some things hashed out. Next weekend is the wedding in Philly, so it's be a little while before we get together.
Obviously, this "relationship" is not quite over, yet. Aside from y'all, I really haven't told anyone that we split up. No one aside from Ang and JP.
Ang wasn't shocked, and asked if it's over-over, or just over for now. She knows about the last year of struggles. I told her I'm not sure yet.
I just told JP this morning when he said something about him. He didn't sound shocked & he didn't have much to say... surprisingly.
So I still have no idea what's going to happen. If it is over for good, at least we had a really good time for the majority of the relationship. Such is life...

The bed you made of rocks and sharp objects is hard to sleep on, isn't it?

2006-08-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

So, this has been an interesting few days. I told you I had to break it off w/ BF- now known as exBF.
Yesterday was still more of the same niceties. He even stopped by my job to tell me some crazy ass story about some of his family stuff. I can't even remember the last time that happened. It was cool day - he called a lot, but most of the time, I was too busy to talk to him.. The office was jumpin' yesterday. When I had some extra time, I decided not to call him and even ignored a few of his calls. Not that I didn't wanna talk to him, but I'm really just tryna gather my thoughts. We talked a few different times yesterday and it was real cool - like it used to be back in the day.
Last night before I got in the bed, I was startin' to wonder why I hadn't heard from him for a while, but then I just let that go... I had told myself that I was not going to expect to hear from or see him, so whatever happens, happens.
Not too long after I got in the bed, he called and said that he was downstairs in the drive way and that he would just catch me tomorrow. I told him that I would get up and come downstairs. Because, I was in the bed - I was naked and had to get up and throw some clothes on, right quick. I just picked up the t-shirt and capris that I had just taken off and went downstairs to get the door.
When I opened the door, he was surprised (and apparently disappointed) that I was fully dressed. LOL - it was a little silly, but I HAD to put clothes on and I didn't have time to be searchin'' for pajamas. :-)
He didn't stay for long, he said he was checkin' on me, cuz I hadn't been feelin well. How sweet. :^) We talked for a little bit and then he started askin' me if I want him to stop calling me as much and stoppin' by. I stold him, I didn't have a problem with him coming by. Then he started questioning why I was fully dressed. Ha!
anyway, he left... 2 minutes after I got back in the bed, he called. Now he wants to know what's goin' on between us. He explained how he likes it better like this - to a degree. In a nutshell, he said that I had gotten to clingy and lovey-dovey, when the relationship had not started out as such. But he doesn't like the fact that NOW he can't kiss me or touch me or that I have to come downstairs in the middle of the night FULLY dressed. :-) SO if he likes it better this way, then what the hell is the problem?? He hasn't been worried about being playful, or affectionate for months, so now that we have arrived at this point- what's the problem? The problem is that he feels like he has lost control of the situation- which, speaking from experience, is an uncomfortable feeling. He's worried that I'll be dating soon and he just wants to know where he stands... Worried about me seein' Ol' Boy next week in Philly ...Worried about seein' me out w/ someone else ...Worried about stoppin' by just to find out that I already have company. ... Worried cus he just doesn't know, but I haven't known for the last SEVERAL months!! It sux when you gotta turn around and swallow the same shit you been dishin' out.
I mean, I get it, but I'm hurt and sad over the way this whole thing has gone down. SO, now I'm just tryna figure out what's really good. Who is this man?
I get what he was saying about how I changed and got all serious, but I was tryin so hard to fix what was happening in the relationship. Then I got all mad and bitter - i.e. ANGRY BLACK WOMAN. I stayed havin' an attitude. :-D Not that I'm proud of that, but I have to look out for me and a lot of times, it's a bad attitude that I use as my armor to guard against the bullshit.
This scenario has been on my mind all day! So, we're supposed to be going to the movies tonight. Goin' to see Miami Vice which is what we were supposed to be goin' to see on Sunday, before The Breakup.
He's been actin' funny today, but I'm not gonna let it faze me. I have given up on the attitude and for right now, I'm tryna keep really cool. I asked him if just wanted to meet at the theatre or over one of our houses. He said "Whatever you're most comfortable with". lol- really??

The Weekend - Reader's.Digest version

2006-07-31T15:35:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend wasn't the greatest.
Friday, I chilled out w/ my Mom. Talked to JP and went out to eat.
Saturday, I worked, got my hair done, and went out to dinner w/ my girls in the office. It was a reward for the good work that they have done so far. They're the greatest!! We had a really good time and I'm so glad that I was able to take them out!
Later on, BF called and said that he had had a really good day at work and he was all hyped up. I asked him what he was doin' that evening' and he said he was hangin out w/ his brother and his boys. *insert instant attitude* I just got irritated at the fact that it never even crossed his mind to see if I wanted to do anything- as usual. So here I am sitting on the phone- boilin'!
He was askin' me what was wrong and I told him that it would have been nice if he had had even half a thought - to see if I may have wanted to do somethin', but at this point, it was too late. So, I spent Saturday night alone - pissed.
Sunday morning, I called him when I got up and of course we started arguin, 'cuz I was still pissed from the previous night. I think I called him back at least 2 or 3 times, because I would get off the phone and think of something else to fuss about. After I got off from the last call, I just decided that I needed to be done with this ridiculous bullshit ass relationship. I thought about it for a little while, then I got up and got showered and dressed. Prepared to meet him out, somewhere, and just end the shit.
Of course, at this point, he stopped answering his phone!! LOL I guess he was tired of hearin' me bitch. I called a few more times while I was in my car- headed to my Moms, 'cuz I had waay too amped to be just sitting in my house by myself. I stayed over there for a while and finally ended up fallin' off to sleep. I slept for a while, but once I got up, I was ready for the confrontation once again. I called and he answered and said that he had been sleepin' - although the earlier phone calls were ignored. :-{
I told him that I needed to see him, so I met him over his house. I was much calmer than I had been earlier that day. It's probably a good idea that he ignored those couple of calls, I was obviously too hype!
I ended up stayin' over there for a couple of hours and I just told him (a-fuckin'-gain) how I have been feeling and that I'm tired of the bullshit and the excuses and I need to get out of this for my own sanity. It was nothin' loud, but just me gettin' my point across. He got loud one time,but I didn't even let it faze me. I've had enuff.
We went outside and he was just standing by the car while we were talkin'. He asked where I stood and I told him again that this relationship- or whatever the fuck it has turned into- is not for me. Then I told him to give me my key back. He went in the house and got it and then we talked for a little while longer. I mentioned somethin' about him spending all his time w/ his brother and friends and then he flew off the handle! Started cussin' and closed my car door, still cussin', stormed into his house and slammed the door!!! I turned the car on, backed out and drove the hell home- just as calm as I pleased!! See, when I'm tired, I'm tired & there's no need for a whole bunch f back and forth shit. I did not shed a tear- just felt like I had exerted all my effort and that was it. I had no intentions on calling him on Sunday or ever.
Ok, so I'm in the crib for all of 5 minutes before the cell rings. I had to look to see who it was, 'cuz I had already erased his ass outta my address book - no more special ring for his sorry ass!! lol
He apologized for cussin' at me and said that I didn't deserve to be talked to like that - duh!!! I was just like alright, thanx - silence... Finally, he was like well, that' all I wanted to say. I'm like cool and I hung up. He called back a few times wanted to know if I wanted him to come by, so we could talk - nope! I'm tired of having the same conversation and I'm tired of bein' sad all the fuckin' time and arguin' like it's my gaddam job!!! No thanx!
We finally got off the phone for the last time and I went to bed early. I was exhausted and just needed to get some rest for the upcoming day.
I didn't even bother to text JP, so you know I was in no mood.
Well, what do you know- at 8:00 this morning, I got a call at work from BF. He's all cheery and Good Morning-ish. WTF?? Who is this?? How come I usually get the "bullshit-negro-can-barely-open-his-mouth-and-say-good-morning any other time? Now it's all love? Not only that, he called several times today in a good mood- filled with the good conversation like we used to have way back when. When was that, anyway??? He talked about where WE should go on our vacation.... Huh?? Did you not hear me last night??? Crazy!
So where does this lead, who the fuck knows! All I know is that if being broken up is what brings his ass back around, then good for him!! I not worryin' about when and if I hear or see him- he can do whatever. Call or don't call- makes me no difference. I think I will be happier like this. If I don't have expectations for him to do certain shit, then technically there is no room for disappointment. However, I expect the same treatment.

Still fits...after all these years.

2006-07-28T10:39:00.000-07:00

So, what about JP, you ask?? Well, I know you didn't really ask, but this is my blog so shutup and read. LOL
Well, we have still been keepin' in touch and I'm really glad to be reunited with him. You ever caught up with an old friend that knew you from waaaay back??? I'm talkin' 'bout like when we was sexin' - and had no idea what we were doin', but swore we did! Like way before I reached my current status of Grown & Sexy! Talkin' to him feels like tryin on an old pair of jeans that fit just right! I'm mad I'm comparin' him to an old pair of pants, but that's what it is- mad comfortable.
So little by little I've told him some of the stuff that has been goin' on with BF & I. Not in detail, but the basics of needin' to get some stuff off my chest after a long day of being at work and fussin' w/ BF. Not tellin' him on some "I hate my boyfriend, let me see what you got ta offer", but for real on some - we talk so damned much that it inevitable that it would come up.
He has his own set of issues - in the middle of some crazy separation, tryna figure out if he should go back. That's a whole 'nother story for a whole 'nother day.
I guess the main thing about him is that he has become a good ol' friend- again. It's weird because for the 8 years that we didn't talk, I didn't miss him. I rarely, if ever thought about him and after that out of the blue call a few months ago, I figured I'd probably never hear from him again- which was cool with me.
This is even better than it was when we were dating. Back then, we were kids tryna be grown. Now we're grown and past all the sex that clouds minds. We've talked about all kinds of shit that I had long since forgotten. Like the time we got caught by the police messin around in his Momma's old ass Beretta! And the time I skipped school to be with him and almost got killed by my Mom when she found out...The good old days...
I'm heading home to Detroit for a few days in December. I'm looking forward to seeing him!
Funny how people come into your life at a time when you need the companionship- a lot of times without even knowing it.
JP's History <- in case you don't know the story. :-)

In Need? Indeed!

2006-07-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

I was crying, again, last night. I'm normally not a cry baby, but I have just been REALLY upset, about a lot of stuff. Last night, BF cooked out on the grill. Sounds fun, right? Well, it was alright. Until he got into a pissy ass mood about whatever... The chicken was so overcooked that we ended up throwing it away. lol- no big deal. Well, his mouth was poked out and so after a while I decided to leave. Ain't no need of us both sitting around lookin' simple.
He walked me outside and then commenced to tell me what was really bothering him. He had been thinkin' about some stuff that had gone down b/t he and his child's Mother. They don't get along at all and she gets an E for Effort (?) when it comes to parenting. He's all stressed b/c he hates for her for not being around like she should and for her trifling ways. Stressed because he doesn't want his son to use her as any type of example for anything. Stressed because he doesn't have a lot of help regarding his son.... All valid points, but as I was listening to him spew his venom, I was really wondering if he is capable of letting me in and loving me as I need. He's not always been this way- I mean there was always a tinge of distrust & paranoia of most people, but it has definitely gotten worse.
I listened because I knew that he needed to get it off his chest, but most of what I was hearing was that he is never going to be able to be open, and caring like he once was. Now, maybe never is a strong word, but that is what it is starting to look like.
SO, I cried because of the disappointment and confusion. I didn't cry in front of him, b/c I left before the tears started falling. I didn't make it home before they came rushing out. I felt like shit.
I was sad that the little time that we do get to spend together usually turns into some sort of minor catastrophe. Example: The 'Skins game, Christmas shopping, Valentine's Day, my Birthday - to name a few.
I was disappointed in what this relationship has turned into. He is no longer my confidant. We don't talk on the phone for hours and share intimate secret laughs... I'm no longer comfortable like I used to be. We don't have tender moments & I miss them. Not that we were ever all Harlequin Romance-ish, but damn!
I felt selfish because although I could hear and see his pain, I kept on thinking about what his thoughts and reactions meant - in relationship to me. I KNOW that not everything is about me, but I have to look out for myself. No one else is looking out for me, which is yet another disappointment. I guess I always felt that he would always have my back. It has been extremely difficult, but I have come to realize that he is incapable of showing me the affection that he used to show so effortlessly.
I'm torn. How long do I stick in there? When do I draw the line? Have I done all that I could possibly do? Are we both kidding ourselves? Am I exaggerating the situation? Maybe it's not as bad as it appears. Maybe it is...

Recycling

2006-07-25T19:25:00.000-07:00

I've been gone for a minute. I've been busy as hell at work, which has really taken a toll on my blogging - bastards!!! :-) Work really had me trippin' for a minute. We FINALLY took on that new project and I had to increase my office hours - 7 a.m. - 7 p.m. Because everything was so hectic, I was working all twelve hours, everyday- tryin' to keep my head above water. Well lemme share somethin'' w/ ya: 12 hours a day, six days a week for a few weeks will put yo ass in a mental institution!
I could not sleep through the night. I was waking up at 12:30, 1:30, 3:00... And when I say wakin' up, I'm talkin' 'bout wide the fuck awake. The biggest problem w/ that is that I would have to be up at 5 in order to make it to the "plantation" by 7!!! Then I would be tired as shit by about 10. Only to get off at 7 and force myself to stay awake- tryin' to insure that I would sleep through the night. Talk about a vicious circle!!
Well, somethin' interestin' and pathetic developed during those times of me survivin' on 2 and 3 hours of sleep. See, because I would be awake in the middle of the night, I would need someone to talk to. The only people up at those hours (usually) are people that work at night - insert J.P. and Ol' Boy... How come everything that is old, is new again??
JP and I have been keepin' in touch EVERYDAY since he first texted (word?) me when Ang was in town back in June. When I say everyday, I'm not exaggerating. It's not the back in the day talk, but the good ol' catchin' up and simply enjoying each other kinda chat. I had honestly forgotten how silly he is! Now, you may be sayin' "How much catchin' up is there?", but I have been thoroughly enjoying the conversation & the attention. We've already discuss the fact that it is weird that we have talked mored this last month than we have talked in a decade! Strange... The good thing is that I already know what he's about and I have no interest in pursuing anything more than this friendship. It's all very interesting to me. MY EX-BOYFRIENDS NEVER REALLY GO AWAY, they may be in hibernation for a while- but they always reappear. I'm just waiting to hear from Kenny that I used to "go with" in the 4th grade! :-D
The wedding in Philly is August 12th and I'm so excited!! I've talked to Ol' Boy a lot recently and I can't wait to see him!! It's been 3 years since the last time I saw him!! It's not like we'll get a bunch of time to chill out- b/t the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, Bachelor & Bachelorette parties, & then the wedding... we'll have to sneak away and catch up. I'll keep ya posted. ;-)
Alright, that's all I have for right now. There's some other stuff goin' on, but I'm really not ready to go into a bunch of details right now. Lemme get my mind right. I've been feelin' like shit since my Bday last week and I gotta find a way to remedy that situation. Keep ya fingers crossed for me! <3

I'm baaack! (edited)

2006-06-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

Hey! I'm in Philly for the week. I had a meetings Tuesday thru Thursday and now I'm chillin' with my girl, Mik for the weekend. This is my second weekend off in a row!! What you know about that?? I might get spoiled. lol
The meeting went ok. I'm part of this thing called a 20 group - where 20 BDC Managers from around the country get together and discuss ideas and issues that are occurring in their particular call center. I know it doesn't sound very interesting, but I usually come away with some pretty good ideas. This time I won 2nd plae int he best idea contest!!! Yeah for me -that's an extra 70 bucks!! Woohoo!! ;-)
I haven't posted in a minute, so we've got some catching up to do.
WEDNESDAY 6/14
The phones got turned on from the other dealership that hired my office for the Call Center!!! It's been a nightmare - their system overloaded ours so the phones and computers keep going down!! It's driving me insane!!!

FRIDAY - 6/16
My girl, Ang, came in from Atlanta. Because the lines had already been switched over from the other location, there was no way that I could get out of the office early. She cam up to the job and got my key, so she could go back to my crib and chillout until I was able to get away from the plantation.
When I got off, we went to my neighborhood seafood joint. We had a good time catching up. Although we talk often, we only see each other like once a year.
After dinner, we headed to the grocery store so I could pick up the goodies for Saturday night's festivities.
On the way to the store, I got a text from JP. I haven't heard a word from him since we talked a few months ago and I hadn't expected to hear anything else from him. He wanted to know how close I live to WV b/c he has to go down there for business ay the end of the month. I was telling him that it just depends on here he's going to be in WV. I don't live anywhere near there, but we have a dealership close to there. so depending on when he was going to be in town, I might be able to meet him.
We texted a few times throughout the night (while I was cooking) and then he asked if my Cousin had ever told me thta he said hello or told her to tell me to call him. I told him that she had told me that he had been askin' about me over the years, but not for me to call him - which I would have never done, anyway. <= But that's a nother story... It was really nice "talking" to him and I had forgotten how funny he is. SATURDAY 6/17
Saturday as soon as I got uo, I saw that JP had texted me and ask for a picture. Reminding me that it has been 8 years since we last saw/talked to eachother!!!! I had no idea that it had been that long!!! Where inn the hell has time gone!
Anyway, Saturday was great!! I was off work, but I woke up early anyway- ofcourse. Work has ruined my ability to sleep late!! We ate breakfast at Penera's and then we went shopping!! I found some of the cutest stuff!!! I bought one of those cute little charm Dooney & Bourke duffles, some really cute jeans, a sterling silver charm bracelet, a dressy little halter dress, some capris, a pair of sunglasses, and a couple casual TSHirts. The best part about all of that, aside from the fact that I was off work, was that they were all on sale!!!! You know a sistah loves a sale!!!!
Saturday night, my girls came over and we had a really good time! It's always interesting when you get friends together from from groups. You nevere know how it is going to work out and if everyone is going to get along. Luckily enough, everyone was cool. After they left, Ang and I sat and laughed about how bad we were when we were little kids. I took out all of these old letters and notes that we had written in high school!! We were so silly back in the day.
We finally wrapped it up about 1:30. She got in the bed and I sent JP a text.
He works nights, so he was up.
We ended up textin' until 4 in the morning!!! Don't ask why we didn't just pick up the phone and actually talk. Lol - I guess after 8 years, it was just more comfortable.
Okay, I have to go get my nails and feet done... I'll finish up about JP a little later.

So anywayz...
JP and I kept on texting. Tuesday he sent me a text while I was at the airport on my way to Philly. WHen I got to Philly I kept textin' him. It was enjoyin' catchin' up - aside from that, everybody else was at work. He works at night and doesn't have enuff sense to sleep during the day. Somewhere between Tuesday and Thursday, I was reminded of why we broke up in the first place. He's a jerk!! I won't be meeting him in WV. He sux... I should have blogged earlier b/c I don't even feel like goin' into all the detail at this point.

Things That Make You Say Hmmm

2006-06-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about;

~Can you cry under water?
~How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
~Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
~Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
~Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
~What disease did cured ham actually have?
~How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
~Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
~If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
~Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
~Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to l look at things on the ground?
~Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
~Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
~If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
~Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
~If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
~ Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
~Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
~If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
~If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
~Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
~Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
~Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

(I received this as a forward and I thought it was cute)

A Symbol of Starting Over... My Ass!!!

2006-06-13T05:59:00.000-07:00

I had no idea what I was going to blog about today, so I was just trollin' around, checkin' up on ya'll. I was reading Organized Noise's post titled Should I Stay or Should I Go? and he got me to thinking about a time in my life that has long since past. I decided to share, so here goes:
I used to date this dude, let's call him Fats - for obvious reasons, but I digress. Anyway we dated for about 7 years. We met when I was a sophomore in college and dated the whole way through. We hit it off, almost immediately and before our first year anniversary we had already decided that after school, we would get married. It wasn’t official and we had not started making official plans, but it was known by everyone – including both of our families.
As time went on, we starting going through all types of drama. I was immature and very stubborn and he had his own little set of problems. After I moved off campus, he moved in with me and that’s when things really got interesting. It turned into the type of shit that you see on T.V. including: infidelity, arguments so bad that the neighbors called the police, his threatening to commit suicide with a gun which I found out was fake when the police arrived, broken dishes and tables, & thrown away articles of clothing just to name a few. I even hit him w/ a car – my friend’s 1989 Escort! HA!
You would think that we would have gone our separate ways after that, but that was not the case. While I was preparing for graduation and life after graduation, I decided to move to the small ass town that I live in now for a job. He wanted to move with me, but that was a no-go. I had already decided and let both he and his family know that I was no longer interested in marrying him.
We tried the long distance thing for a bit, but that just made things worse. Come to find out: distance does not really make the heart grow fonder. Who knew?? Lol
One night we had a long conversation and I was explaining to him that I did not think that the relationship was going to work out and that we probably needed to take a break. He was not tryin’ to hear that and insisted that we needed to try to get things back to what they had once been. My birthday was right around the corner and he came up to hang out for the weekend. We went to The Olive Garden (my favorite restaurant at the time) for a nice little dinner and some drinks. During the course of the evening, he gave me a letter that expressed his feelings and his belief that we could/should start all over. Then he gave me a beautiful diamond ring!!! Now, this would have been great if I had not just told his ass that I didn’t think that we were going to make it. When I saw the ring, I almost started cryin’. – not because I was happy, but because this was the last straw!! How was he just going to completely ignore what I had just told him a week or two before?? Like once I saw the diamonds, I would just forget about all the other bullshit?? I told him that I was ready to go. He had just ruined my evening!!! He was tryin’ to explain that it was not an engagement ring; it was a symbol of starting over blah blah blah…. He just did not get it!!!!
We left and don’t think I said more than a few words to him for the remainder of his stay.
About a week later, we were getting off the phone and he said that he loved me. I begrudgingly said it in return and then got off the phone. As soon as I hung up the phone, I decided to call him back and tell him that I had to get out of the relationship. I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew that I was not going to marry him and there was no need to continue this relationship. So that was it. I ended it that night.
I did have some doubts afterward, but in the end and ‘til this day, I KNOW that I made the right decision. I still keep in touch with his younger sister every once in a while. I know that he and his family are doing well. His Mom is still hoping that we will get back together… ain’t gone happen Moms…
When I bought my house, I changed my number so that I would stop receiving those pitiful all night phone calls.

I'm Not a Parrot

2006-06-11T17:31:00.000-07:00

I've been in the house ALL day.
I've been cleaning out my office - shredding old documents, throwing away junk and reorganizing.
I just found out this weekend that I am a packrat.
How does so much shit accumulate??
I was going through some stuff on one of my bookcases and I found a bunch of old high school pics. I had to hurry up and look through them and put them away - otherwise I would STILL be looking through them and nothing would have gotten cleaned.
Amongst those pics, were a couple of pics of 24!! I'm mad I was sitting on the floor giggling like a school girl when I was going through them. hehehe... What a cutie!
BF was in Hampton with his family this weekend. His cousin had surgery, so they were going to check on her.
He's there for everyone, except me.
He's only getting a card from me for Father's Day.
I used to get him a bunch of stuff - back in the day when shyt wasn't so pissy.
OH WELL - HE AIN'T MY DADDY. I DON'T HAVE TO GET HIM ANYTHING!!
I found a poem titled "US" that BF wrote for me a couple years ago. It was a nice poem - at the end of it, it said that he was black man under construction... If this is the end product, then it was a waste!!
I also found a V-Day card that he had gotten me, w/ a sweet little note in it. After I got over the sentimental part, I just got mad because this concrete evidence that he has actually turned into a dick and I'm not just imagining things.
Shouldn't that make me feel better??
He's supposed to be coming over when he gets back into town. I've been giving him the cold shoulder, and he thinks we need to talk, so he can find out what's wrong?? I told him that there is nothing to talk about and there isn't. I've already expressed what my problem is with him - more than once- and not much has changed. I'm not a PHUCKEN parrot- I'm not gone keep repeating my self!!!
What's wrong with him??? It's all so easy!! Can he no longer comprehend basic information?
I can't remember the last time I wore THAT RING that he gave me - a year ago July 16th.
I can't remember the last time we've been intimate.
I think I need to get out of this relationship, before I go crazy and kill his ass!!!
I'm bored and sad - I'll probably call Ol' Boy tonight.
My girl Ang is coming in from The A this weekend! I'm so happy.
I love seein' my people from The D.
I miss having close girlfriends that I can go visit and just kick it with.
I talked to my cousin and my sister this week and they have both expressed the same feelings.
BF may not even come by tonight. I was pretty nasty to him when he called this afternoon. If he doesn't, I'll just catch up with him whenever. I won't be calling him.
Tomorrow is going to be a rough day at work.
I need a vacation.
I'm havin' some girls over on Saturday! I'm excited, most of them have never been here before. I haven't known a lot of them very long, but they are the closest to being like some o fhte people that I grew up with.
My girls Ria and Me are both coming. They're cousens, but they don't get along. I hope they'll be able to get it together. I would hate for them to be the first people that I have ever had to put out of the crib.
Alright, I'm 'bout to chill out. Have a good week!!

I'm Only Human, Dammit!

2006-06-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was looking around on my computer and I found some old emails between 24 and myself. Now, 24 & I go waaay back to high school. He was not my first love, but there is something between us that neither one of can (or will) shake. Though he has gotten married and has a daughter, we still keep in touch via email. The conversations that we have had have been very interesting and a lot of them I have saved on this very computer. I had forgotten about a lot of the stuff that we have talked about, but when I was reviewing the emails, I had to LITERALLY Laugh Out Loud. One of the best emails consists of him telling me that he had some concerns about the upcoming class reunion...

"Hey stranger long time no hear from you. I need to talk to you about a little personal concern I have about our reunion. Would it be alright for me to call you one night to talk about it. If so give me a number where I can contact you at."

Now, given our "connection" I already knew what the deal was. Prior to his getting married, he asked if I would be cool with being his mistress... WTF?? I think he had me confused with some chick that is not very demanding. Anyway, I'm a player in this game of cat and mouse, so I guess it's my turn...

"WHAT KIND OF PERSONAL CONCERN DO YOU HAVE?"

In my opinion, that should have let him know that I was not about to go along with this bullshit. I mean, he knows me pretty well at this point. But he wants to continue with the game and I'm always down to straighten a negro out.

"The concern I have is seeing you at our class reunion. I feel that when we see each other it may be a little awkward for the both of us and I don't want us to feel that way. "

How kind of him... he is really taking my feelings into consideration, right?? Whatever!!! This is all about him, his wife & his guilt. So here goes...

"Ok, I figured that that was your concern, but why would you feel awkward? I know that we have a long history, but if you are comfortable in your situation, then there is no need to feel awkward. Unless, after all this time, you still have feelings. Do you? That's a rhetorical question, but it maybe something you need to consider. By the way- I am comfortable with the way things turned out, after all, I didn't have a choice. Let me assure you that I will be just fine during the reunion and I hope that you will be as well. Through all of this, I realized a long time ago that the feelings I had for you weren't going to amount to anything. And that's ok. It has been for a long time. I hope that I have cleared up any concern that you have and we don't have to have some long drawn out conversation about something that is as 'fixed' as it will ever be. There is so much more that could be said, but we will always end up in the same position that we have always been in, so I'll just leave it alone. ~J"

That was just one of the times that we had to exchange words over his craziness. For a while, he would come at me with crazy shit about twice a year. One other time, he needed clarification about whether or not I was sitting around waiting for him to "slip up and let me back into his life". Huh? Like I need a formal invitation. See, this leads me to believe that even though he knows me, he don't really know me. lol Anyway, I'll post that one at another time.... The reason that I'm posting about him today is because we have had yet another interesting exchange. This one was instigated by me- did I mention that I am not always an innocent stander by? This is just one of the things that I do for fun when I'm bored and things b/t me and BF are out of place...

Last night, I emailed him...

"Hey! I was looking through some old stuff and I came across your name. We've had some interesting conversations over the years... ;-) Anyway, I was just reminiscing... Remember the conversation we had about the reunion?? And the one about your friend suggesting that I was sitting around waiting for you?? lol... funny. Anyway, you were on my mind this evening, so I just wanted to drop in and say hello. HELLO! I'll chat w/ ya, soon!!"

Today, he emailed me back... Of course he would because if he didn't, the game would not be as interesting as it has been over the years. SO he says

"Oh now I'm old stuff (lol). That's funny because I was just talking about you the other day. I was talking to a friend who's thinking about moving to Virginia. He told me that if he did I couldn't come and visit because it would be to close to you."

Funny that every time we chat, he has JUST been talking to someone about me.

"You? In VA? hmmm... I don't know about that."

To which, he replies...

"That's pretty much what I thought about it. It would be too tempting or should I say you would be too tempting. "

Now the game goes on... I didn't respond, because that shut me up for a little bit. LOL - as much shit as I talk, I would never meet him here in VA. NEVER. I am grown and I know my limitations. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN PHUCKEN MARRIED MEN. That being said, I would never put myself in that situation with him. I am a woman of strong will power, but I'm only human, dammit!

I wish I knew a prayer...

2006-05-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday one of my employee's, A.E., received an urgent call from her sister. She had been in the middle of doing some paperwork and as soon as she got off the phone, she dropped her stuff on the floor and said that she had to go home. I knew that the news must have been about her Mom. By the time I got to her, she was crying so hard that I was afraid she was going to pass out - she is Asthmatic and has some other kind of lung disease.
I was trying to comfort her and ask her if her Mom had passed away. She said that her sister told her that she needed to come home, immediately. A.E's Mom has been really ill over the last month or so and they had only given her 2 months to live. I was hoping that her Mom was not gone, so that A.E. would have a chance to say her final goodbye.
Trying to calm her down was not working at all and by the time she walked to her car, she was almost hysterical. I told her to stay right there and I would drive her to her sister's house. I certainly didn't think that it would be safe for her to be on the road in her condition. Initially, she was saying that she would be ok, but finally she accepted my offer. I ran in the office, grabbed my stuff and ran back to my car.
On the way there, I tried to comfort her as best I could, but I really didn't know what to say. Aside from checking to make sure that she had enough air and trying to keep her talking, I felt pretty useless. I was searching for something, anything, comforting to say and the best that I could up with was some gibberish about me not wanting to run over people while I was racing her home to be with her family. I did get a half a laugh out of her. - I know it's not much, but sometimes it helps.

At the same time, I was wishing that I new a prayer that I could pray with/for her. Something that would comfort her or give her strength to deal with whatever she was about to face. I had nothing... No words of wisdom, no psalms - only quick wit, which is so obviously useless in the situation at hand.
When we arrived at the house her sister came out crying and stated "at least she's not in pain anymore..." I made sure A.E. had all of her stuff, hugged them both and then I was on my way back to the office as if nothing happened.
On the way back, I was thinking how pitiful it is that I don't know one single prayer. I mean, I do know one that starts out "God is great. God is good....", somehow I just don't think that that one would have worked. How sad. I went to private Catholic school from k-12 and what do I have to show for it?? How did I side-step religion for all those years?? My Mom has never been big on church and truth be told, if I hadn't gone to church in school, I would have rarely, if ever, gone. I don't attend church now and feel little need to. Don't get me wrong, every once in a while I will go to church with friends who have invited me, but I'm not above declining and I have on several occasions.

I think I will see that my future children go to church on a somewhat regular basis... even if I have to send them with someone else. I want them to have the foundation that I missed out on.

I was feeling kinda bad...

2006-05-23T15:53:00.000-07:00

I heard from a girlfriend from college, yesterday. I hadn't talked to her in a few months and I've not seen here in a few years. Needless to say, we're not very close friends, but she is one of the few people that I keep in touch with from HU.
She was emailing both Mik and myself - just catching up with the past events, that neither of us knew. Through all of this, she kinda invited herself to Mik's wedding in August, but that's not a huge deal. Mik had not really intended on inviting her, due to money restraints, but she would never tell her that she could not come.
Anyway, in the midst of emailing back and forth, Girlfriend from Charlotte - let's call her Atl., said that her son has cerebral palsy! He was born prematurely and so I guess that is what caused it. Anyway, I was really sorry to hear that. I have talked to her a time or two since she has had him and she had not mentioned it before. --Not that she should have felt compelled to, but I guess the thought of her child (or any friend's child) having a disability kinda threw me for a loop.
I talked to Mik last night for the first time in a while. She has been going through all kinds of stuff and we really haven't had the chance to just check in and vent. Ok, the truth is that I have really not taken the time to listen to her. She had emailed me a couple of times and said that she was all stressed out and having a hard time and although I kept saying that I would call her, I didn't. SHe would call and I would be busy, so I would have to call her back. Or sometimes I would call her, but we never really got down to the nitty gritty. We kinda skirted around a few issues...did the small talk thing, but that's about it. Come to think of it, I propbably never really asked her what was happenin' in her hood.
Now, the real reason that I wasn't calling or talking a lot was because I also have had a lot of stuff going on in my life. Aside from workin' with "the crazies", you know BF and I have been on the rocks for the last few months. Not that that's an excuse, but because it came from absolutely nowhere, it has been an extremely difficult situation for me to handle.
I have not shared a lot of details about BF with her and now I just dont feel like it. We kinda have wierd friendship, but it works for us. N.E.Wayz..
I really didn't feel like listening to anyone else's problems. I have enuff problems of my own, right?? Well, Mik and I finally talked last night. She had emailed me yesterday and told me that her parents have been driving her crazy, she's stressed trying to figure out how she and RH are going to pay for the wedding, and that her parents may be on the verge of separating!! That is A LOT for one person to got through and I told her that I would have to call her later because everything that she had emailed me was waaay too much for me to discuss via email. Last night, I kept my word and finally called... We laughed and talked about all the craziness in her life and I tried to give her some encouraging words, like "If you kill someone, remember that I only get paid on the 1st and the 15th... keep that in mind if you need bail money" I think she felt better after we got off the phone.
The only problem was that I felt bad after I got off the phone. I'm hoping that I'm not turning in the type of person that compromises my friendships because I'm going through my own set of issues.. I don't usually consider myself to be a selfish person and generally regard myself as a really good friend. I hope that really is the case...
Well I was reading TRUTHZ blog and she was talking about a letter from the heart that she sent to some family members. She posted it along with some of the responses that she has received and I thought that it was all very touching. Look at me, gettin' all sentimental. HA! Anyway, I bought some cute little cards today and I'm going to send them out to my nearest and dearest. The last Just Because card that I received was from my Crazy Cousin, Nita. It was totally outta the blue, but it made my day. That's what I need to do for some of my people.
When was the last time you did some special for someone for no reason at all?? If it's been a while, you need to get to it! ;-)

I'm chillin' out today.

2006-05-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

I had intended on takin' the day off and just chillin' out around town, but that was not in my fate. I need to get some work done for this other dealership that we're trying to take on, so I had to go in... Unfortunately nothing got done, but such is life. I'm unable to get those hours back, so I won't complain.
I went in at my regular 7:30 a and left about 4:00p. Now, that is not a half day, but I have already decided to go in late tomorrow. I think I'll go in about 11 or so. That'll give me some time to sleep in.
BF and I went out to The Olive Garden last night. Tuesdays are date night. We had a really good time! Probably better than we have had in a while. We had good conversation all night and we almost ended up havin' some "adult fun" in the parkin' lot. NOTE: I'm not against that. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. ;-) Well, atleast I do. HA!
I don't have a lot of news, today. Nothing of any excitement or importance happened. It was actually pretty slow in the office, which always makes my day go so slow!!!
Tonight, I'm going to chill out and watch my Pistons beat the Cavs!!! They better win!!!! I was up in here yellin' at the TV (Monday - Game 4) - like I had lost my damned mind.
Ok, I think that's it. I'm goin' trollin' ... I hope y'all have had a more eventful day than I have had today. Out...

This child is crazy AND raggedy!!

2006-05-13T08:34:00.000-07:00

Check this out. This is an exchange between me (J), my girl Mik, and this chic TJ - that I used to be cool with.
let me give you a a little background information, first. I met TJ & Mik during my sophomore year and Hampton U. TJ and Mik were roommates and best friends. We became fast friends and have stayed in touch through the years. Mik is my girl in Philly - the wedding that I'm going to be in in August.
TJ has been in the picture off and on... Whenever she didn't have a man, she would come around and then she'd be gone again. I had gotten used to her bullshit and accepted her as she was - crazy (man-crazy) and selfish.
She had pulled one of her disappearing acts and had been gone for close to 2 years, then she reappeared- somehow. It's been a while now, so I can't really remember the details...
Anyhoo.. right around the time that she reappeared, I was having my annual Ladies at the Lake Weekend at my Dad's lake house. I invited her and surprise, surprise she actually showed up!!!! We all had a really good time that weekend, and after that, I made a concerted effort to keep in touch with her on a regular basis. We talked via email or cell phone damn near everyday.
She had gotten back with her boyfriend and after a while they got engaged. Now I had already decided that I had had enough of weddings and would not be in anymore. So when she told me of the big news , I was very happy for her, and secretly wishing that she wouldn't ask me to be in it.
--I had a terrible experience last year when I was in my cousin's wedding and decided that the next & only wedding that I would be in , would be my own. Which ain't the case, but Mik is an exception--
They were going back and forth about where the wedding would be. They said they were going to go to the Justice of the Peace, then they decided to go to Vegas and go to a little Chapel or whatever. That worked great for me, and when she asked if I thought BF and I would be able to go out there, I told her that with my hectic work schedule, it is highly unlikely. Now, don't get me wrong, I could have made it to Vegas, but I really wasn't interested. I had forgiven her for all of her past bullshit, but I was not interested in spending a lot of money to be included in her big day. I had never even met the guy that she was marrying.
Well after much debate, she decided to get married in Richmond, where they live. DAMN!!! So inevitably, she asked the dreaded question - would I be in her wedding... I had to decline, b/c I just didn't wanna do it. She said that she understood after all of the stupid stuff that had happened with my cousin's wedding and that was that. The next call that I made was to Mik. I called to let her know that I had turned TJ down and that she should feel compelled to be in it, so that TJ wouldn't be too upset... LOL
Long story- short... Mik declined, also - she has her own set of reasons.
We didn't hear anything from TJ for about a week - which was unusual for me. I didn't try to contact her because I figured that I would give her some time to cool off and then all would be fine. In the meanwhile, Mik had called her several times and left messages on both her work and cell phones - to no avail. Mik said she was starting to get worried about TJ & asked me if I thought she was ok. I assured her that TJ was fine and was probably just mad... Well on that very day, both Mik & I received this email from TJ:
This was very hard to write. I hope you guys don't hate me, you probably will though, but I had to let you know the deal.

Let me start by saying that I do love you guys but at the same time I am very, very, very hurt by both of you. I know our relationships aren't what they used to be but never in my dreams would I think you guys wouldn't be in my wedding whenever it came around and vice versa. Your financial reasons although admirable are just excuses to me. You two always have money to do things you want to do, Myrtle Beach trips, Cruise, Women's empowerment weekends, birthday bashes, homecoming weekends, California, overseas trips not to mention spur of the moment trips. I have been the one who always struggles to do these things and have most often declined to go for that reason. I'd hate to think that you two choose this occasion to pull the "financial reasons" card. Is it to get back at me? You both say you're over the past and how I treated you guys. I have apologized so many times and I carry so much guilt that I guess I feel I owe it to you guys to do anything you want me to get things back the way they were. I see now that they will never get back to that point, all due to me. I can jump through hurdles until I run out of breath and never get things back to "normal". So it makes me think you don't want to be in my wedding for that reason, not that you can't afford it. It is August 16th, the wedding is JUNE 10th, that's almost 10 months away. Friends, no matter what always seem to be there in good times and bad and I just knew that you guys would be there in this good, great time for me. I definitely planned to be there if you had asked me. I was wrong. In the back of my mind, I had a feeling one of you would say no, I had no idea both of you would. It makes me think you two had already talked about this with each other, knowing I would ask you both. Maybe I'm paranoid, but that's what I feel. To actually know that you two can make it to the wedding but won't be in it upsets me. I never pictured you two in the audience...Always pictured you in it. Anyway, I'm tired of trying to make things right and kissing asses anymore. I've made my peace with my past actions towards you two and you say you have too but the most recent punch in the stomach tells me other wise. You got me back good!!! It was hard for me to write this so don't think it was easy. That's why I haven't answered any calls or emails because I was getting my thoughts together on how I would say what I had to say. I had so much emotion that I couldn't sort it out until today. Needless to say I will not be in "The Burg" this weekend and I would appreciate no further contact. I wish you both the best in life, sincerely I do. You'll probably hate me and respond with harsh words of some sort, so I'm ready for it, or you may not respond. I'm ready either way. I've come to terms with things at this point so nothing you could say would hurt me anymore than what you did. I had to do what was best for me.
Love,
TJ

WTF???? and I repeat - WHAT THE FUCK???? IS THIS BROAD INSANE?? This is the Same chic that came to my LITTLE ASS TOWN for a wedding, and then called when it was over and said that she was heading home!!! Even though I had already told her earlier that week that wanted to see her while was her. Afterall, I had not seen her ass in like 2 years and she had never seen my house - which I had built sometime during one of her disappearing acts!!! You can reach everything in my town from point A to B in 15 minutes. Aside from that, who the fuck has to tell a "friend" to stop by when their in town???? I guess I wasn't important enough to see!! She had to rush home to her MAN!!!!

Mik emailed her back:
I wouldn't normally respond so emotionally and would take at the very least a few minutes to reply, but I'm thinking right now emotion is why you need! HOW DARE YOU????? I am literally seeing stars. My mind is jello right now. I can't believe you and the "stance" you've chosen to make. I'm shaking so badly right now I can barely type. You make everything ALL ABOUT YOU! SELFISH, & OBNOXIOUS is what comes to mind (w/o using profanity). I can't even put into words the disgust I have for you right now. I actually discussed this whole ordeal with my family last night, and never in all time would I expect this type of response from you--- of all people. You REQUIRE people to be "true friends" to you, but you have no freaking idea what it takes to be a true friend to others. Your wedding is not the first wedding I've declined to be in over the past 5 years. And actually, 5 years ago this Oct was when I made the decision that I would not be in anymore weddings unless it was my own, KV's, or Don Jr's. (KV & I made that decision together. And she has declined 3 different weddings with friends that were longer friends than you & me, and friends who have not disappointed her AT ALL in her life. Did they cut her off???? ABSOLUTELY NOT! They accepted & moved on) So for you to think that my WORLD revolves around you & what you do is completely INSANE. You weren't even an active part of my life at the time I made this decision, so I DID NOT make a conscious decision to HURT you regardless of the many times you've left me distraught & wounded!!! I did forgive you totally. My recent decision was not personal (as I told you) nor was it part of any CONSPIRACY THEORY that you conjured up. It's unfortunate that you can not think of anyone else other than yourself. You will not make it far in life treating people the way you've treated those who care most about you (including me & J). I never asked or required you to kiss my behind. Nor do I remember you even trying to kiss my behind. That is RIDICULOUS. Every time I've taken you back into my life it has been w/o reservation. You NEVER had to beg or plead. I'm not that type!!!! What do you think you've done that qualifies as you "jumping thru hoops". If you think emailing & calling & making one visit to my home out of at least 6 years is jumping thru hoops, you are sadly mistaken. That's called "MAINTAINING A FRIENDSHIP". --- Something you obviously have little to no experience in doing!!! Your words not mine, "Friends, no matter what always seem to be there in good times and bad..." What good or bad times were you there for me or J in the past 6 years? (with the exception of my last Birthday) I was there for every one of your "dramatic" breakups, all of your unemployment stints, every hard time you've ever shared with me, I've supported you. I've even offered to pay for you to attend certain "vacations" with the group! Not to mention that I had PLANNED to celebrate your most important one to date-- your wedding day. One does not have to BE IN a wedding, to help celebrate one. So in essence I want to say you have burnt 2 bridges that one day you'll really need and you'll look back at the below email and say, "I was a dumb-a__" Trust me- this one you will live to REGRET!!! I want you to print your email out and save it. Read it the day after your wedding, and again in about a year or so when you give birth to your first child, and again when you really NEED a true friend. And then let your children read it when they ask you why they have a friend that expects more than they give! Explain to them why no matter how many times they forgive and how much they give of themselves to others, that they get used, abused & taken advantaged of. See if you still feel the same why you do today.

And the only reason your "ready for any harsh words" is because you don't give a darn anyway. THAT'S OBVIOUS! No body who has REAL love for anyone would act the way you are, nor say the things you've said. Love is forgiveness (which I've done time after time) and love is UNCONDITIONAL, not just when you get what you want!! Trust me, I KNOW! It is you who has punched J & I in the stomach once again. But I'm throwing in my "sucker" sign that has obviously been on my back & forehead for quite some time.... I'M DONE!

GOOD - BYE!

Then TJ said:

You have expressed what I knew you felt all along which is what I wanted you to say rather than the B.S. you gave before. But your reason for not being in it was about RH and the girls, remember, and finances. "I feel obligated to give you a reason. RH & I have been planning to exchange our nuptials in 2006. We decided earlier in the year, but wanted to get the children's custody arrangement straightened out before hand. So that is why we haven't made it "official" and made any official announcements. Since we are in the court process now, we're hoping to have it all cleared up by the end of this year. And can not commit to a date until we have the court appointed arrangement in hand. So our finances are being "controlled" for that."You didn't mention anything about those reasons in your response. You didn't say anything about some "pact" you and KV made 5 years ago. Pact or no pact, when an old friend asks you say YES! Charny (known since 2000) was ecstatic, so was K-K(since '88), so was SheShe (since '84) and so was my close friend Arva (since '02). Nothing about pacts mentioned there! You (I've known since '93) should still make an exception, it's not like it's written in blood Mik that you can't or shouldn't be in anymore weddings unless it's your own. That to me is OBNOXIOUS and SELFISH!!! You can call me all the names you want. No pact would keep me from being in yours (if you had asked, clearly you wouldn't since I'm a terrible friend). Maybe I am a terrible friend but even so, I have feelings too and that just crushed everything to try to remain friends (no matter how distant) with you. EVERYONE has said that they would do the same thing I did if someone they considered a good friend or even a friend said no to being in their wedding, especially with the reasons you gave. That's why I asked you Mik, because you have always been a good friend to me so I wanted you to be a part of my day. But you couldn't see past some stupid agreement between you and KV, yeah, that's SELFISH to me. But you were never the one to see where you ever wrong. You are always crying about how someone did you wrong and you rose above it and forgave them like you're GOD or something, i.e. Michelle, Kelly, me. Everyone has to live life perfectly to be your friend. You said that people have asked you before and they didn't get mad, they got over it. Maybe THEY really weren't your friend because I AM hurt and disappointed. But all is well. I don't have to disappoint you anymore. You can say that AGAIN you were let down and you were the martyr in the whole thing. Oh, woe is me Mik!! And as far as looking back on this email, I don't regret anything I've said. I was truthful and honest about my feelings. Those years (6 as you say) were the worst times in my life (as of yet, God forbid) and I did shut you and J out, I do regret that but I can't go back and change it. I'll take the responsibility of ruining our friendship. So I'll take the responsibility as well of ending it. No regrets!!

Whaaat?? This chic ain't backin' down!! Mik said:

Woooow! Talk about letting it all hang out. You go girl! Your honesty is deafening & appreciated. I am amazed that you even wanted me in your wedding being that you've had these feelings about me all these years. Why exactly did you ask? Why exactly have you pretended to be my friend? And how could you even start your initial email with"I love you". The things you said below have obviously been the way you've felt over some time, so why the whole "song & dance". You are obviously much better off w/o me in your life and apparently never needed me in your life nor in your wedding, so this must be just your way of getting rid of the garbage or "taking out the trash". I am sorry to have taken up unnecessary space in your life. May God bless you today, tomorrow & forever. I mean that! Good-bye for good....

"Sorry, one more thing. My email did not consist of reasons "why" I can not participate in your wedding, they were reasons why you should not be so hostile about it. I understood you being "upset", that's why I didn't pursue it last week. And my sister & I didn't make a "pact". We made personal decisions. And I could've made exceptions if what is currently going on in my life weren't happening right now, but they are. I can't change that. Like I said last week, I'm sorry you couldn't understand that. But again, with the feelings you have about me & the way you feel I treat people, it was not meant to be anyway. I will not disrupt your life again."

Ok, Now I had had enough!!! Mik had called me cryin' because she was sooo mad! The fact that she was cryin' REALLY pissed me off!!!!! Initially I wasn't going to email TJ's crazy ass at all!! But you know I had to put my two cents in. I emailed her and said:
Okay, 2 questions...
1. Are you serious?
2. Who took a dump in your wheaties, today?
Well, I guess you told me!!! LOL, whatever!! You have a lot of fuckin' nerve, but it's cool!! Soooo, does this mean that I'm not even invited to the wedding?? Well, that's just rude!
TJ - you're entitled to feel any way you want to, I guess. lol - you're a fuckin' joke!
Now I wouldn't be myself if I said something all corny - like "Good bye forever & have a great life", so instead I'll just say fuck you & kiss my ass!!!

As you can see I was HOTTT!! The nerve of this raggedy heffa!!! I talked to BF and anybody else that would listen-- he didn't seen to think that it was such a big deal, which made me even madder!!! I decided not to call her that night, because if she had hung up on me, I would have had to drive hoursRs to Richmond and beat her ass - proper like!!! Luckily for her, I didn't hear back from that night, but I could not get the situation off my mind..The followingng morning, when I got to work, I emailed her again and said:

I thought about your email last night and now that I feel more calm about the situation than I did, yesterday - I figured I would email you this morning. Whether you respond or not doesn't really matter - at this point, I don't have anything to gain/lose by pursuing/dismissing this friendship.
What I thought mainly was that that email did not really apply to ME. I have not required you to jump through hoops or kiss my ass. I talk to you damn near everyday via email and/or telephone. So what are you talking about?
For the record, it's not up to you to decide what I have money for. I work everyday and spend my money how I see fit. That's it & I don't see why I have to explain anything else to you. If YOU are such a good friend that is there in good times and in bad times, then why all the drama about me not being in your wedding. I could see if I said "No, I won't be in it, and I won't be there, and I don't want to hear about, and...Youou get the point.
As far as me being selfish, I disagree. If anyone has jumped through hoops for this so-called friendship, it has been me. I'm the one that has pursued you time and time again- not the other way around - so what about that says selfish???
Yes, you are paranoid - this whole conspiracy theory that you have conjured up is a little over-the-top, don't ya think? Who sits around for years just waiting for the right moment to get back at someone?? Get real! Who says that you were even ever going to get married?? So if you didn't get engaged, do you think that I would sit around waiting for your retirement party and not show up for that??? lol - really TJ, that is a bit much.
So, my theory is that you mulled this over & then got all pissed off, angry and "hurt". I don't believe that you have forgiven yourself for our past and that's not my problem. I have forgiven you and that's why I still keep in contact with you and continually invite you places. I hope that you can eventually forgive yourself and maybe we can avoid any futures explosions. This whole long email may be in vain, since you're not speaking to me anymore. The nerve...

THEN SHE SAID:
I was thinking about it last night too and the email WAS truly directed at Mik for the most part. I am upset about you choosing not to be in the wedding but all the other stuff about kissing ass was to her not you. I was calling Mik selfish, not you. She just really gets to me sometimes. I actually should have just sent the email to her only and I do apologize. You're right, I haven't forgiven myself for the past and maybe someday I can. It's my guilt that's making feel the way I do but I can't help it. Every time I talk to you guys I think about it and wonder if ya'll are thinking about it too. Anyway. it's over now thanks to me, again and I take the blame, again. I didn't realize how upset I was until later that night on Friday after I spoke to you both about be in in my wedding. Your reasons sounded like something I had said to you guys plenty of times so it hit a nerve. I thought you guys were holding a grudge deep down. I am sorry for the email to you and SOME to Mik but most of it to her MEANT. I know you well enough to know you won't spend much time upset at me. You yourself have said that you just let stuff just roll off of your back these days because you don't like to stress anymore. I don't know how to carry it from here on out so I'll follow your lead. If you don't respond I'll understand. As for Mik, it still stands. She has been a good friend over the years but so much has changed that I'd just rather leave her alone. I felt so uncomfortable at her house when I was there...I REALLY wanted you to come to her party. I was hoping you had a surprise and would pop up. Anyway, again 95% of that email was not directed at you J. I should have clarified that. I am upset about what I did but I thought long and hard about it before I decided to do what I did. I have found out some things that Mik has said about me to a fellow colleague that knows someone in Richmond that knowDie and it got back to me so I have nothing else to say to her. You and I, I don't know what to do. After the things I said it's probably best to not talk because I wouldn't know what else to say but I"M SORRY!!! It's up to you...I'm out.

WE TALKED ONCE OR TWICE AFTER THAT, BUT THAT WAS IT. IT HAD GONE TOO FAR AT THAT POINT AND I DON'T THINK THAT I NEED TO BE ARGUIN' WIT NO FEMALE LIKE THAT!!! BF & I DON'T EVEN GET INTO IT LIKE THAT!!! (at least not very often - lol) HER WEDDING IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN JUNE AND I GUESS I'M NOT GOING TO GET INVITED!!! LOL - OH, WELL, SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA JUST LET SOME PEOPLE GO!! I THINK SHE DEFINITELY FITS IN THAT CATEGORY!! I THINK I WAS MORE THAN A GOOD FRIEND TO HER, AND SHE'LL BE LUCKY IF SHE EVER MEETS ANYONE ELSE LIKE ME. OF COURSE SHE WON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE LIKE ME - AS LONG AS SHE'S MARRIED.

Got any crazy friend stories?? Please share!

What u know about this shit?

2006-05-12T17:50:00.000-07:00

I am constantly struggling with trying to be healthy. It comes and goes in waves. I mean, I know what I need to do and it's so easy. I need to :
~drink 64 oz. Of water everyday
~exercise for an hour at least 3 days a week
~eat sensibly- fruits and vegetables
~no eating late at night
So simple, right? SO why in the hell is it so damned hard??? Why have I been trying to lose 20 lbs for years?? Why have I gained damn near 20lbs in the last 5 years?? Now, they may not sound like a lot to put in over five years, but what if I put on at least 4 lbs every year?? At that rate, I'll be 20 lbs heavier every five years!!! By the time I'm 50, I'll be over 200 lbs!! I'm only 5'5", so that is soooo unacceptable!!!
So, if it's so simple, then why is it so hard? Aside from the fact that I am sitting up here at 9 pm eating KFC's popcorn chicken, biscuit, mac & cheese & gingerale!!!! Okay- aside from that, the real reason is that I have not been able to be consistent!! I can drink a lot of water... that's not a problem. It's the eating and the exercise. I have a membership to Curves, but I can't even remember the last time that I was there. And I LOVE food!! When it comes to eating, I am lucky that I am not a whole lot bigger than I am!! I love Dairy Queen and pizza and what ever else I can get my damned hands on... I'm greedy and it's so sad.
I was talking to my girl last weekend and she was telling me about the this program called Dr. Natura. I'm not going to go into an ton of detail, but if you're remotely interested in improving your overall health, check this site out. The information is very interesting. I'm not suggesting that you try it, I'm just saying read it. I've already ordered a 60 day supply and I'm going to be starting on Tuesday. Ill keep you posted on my other page. I'm sure most people don't want to hear about all my shit. HA!
I don't know what to expect, but I'm taking it on as my own personal challenge. I don't think I have stuck with anything - consistently- for 60 days. Well I was working out at the Y once for about a year straight.... Ok, so that was the only time & that was about three years ago. SO this is my new challenge.
I don't know how many people have ever tried anything of this nature, but this is supposed to be some intense shit - literally. HA!
Anyway, what is the longest span of time that you have consistently stuck with a program/goal? What was it? & Did you accomplish what you set out to accomplish?

I'm a super woman!

2006-05-11T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today was a crazy day. I am short staffed - with one of my girls out on vacation for the week. The Service dept. was super busy, so it kinda made the evening go by fast.
We are still in the middle of tryna get the phones up and running for our new addition. -- that is going to be a nightmare!!
I knew it was too damned easy to be true!! What we are tryna do is answer all of the service calls for another dealership that is located approximately 2 hours away. It's not impossible, but this other dealership uses a program that is completely different from what we use.
All day long, people have been calling me asking me questions about stuff that I have no idea about. Now, my supervisor is saying "what's the problem?, why isn't this done, yet?" WTF??? It's going to get worked out, but it is going to take some time. I initially estimated that it would take 30-60 days in order to get the whole thing wired, interfaced, & ready to go. "30-60 days!!!!????", they said. "oh no!!! We wanna get this thing goin' as soon as possible!! Our target date is May 10" That was on May 1st. IMPORTANT PIECE OF INFORMATION=> today is MAY 11th. We still have a ways to go. It's a good thing I'm a Super Woman!! ;-) Keep your fingers crossed, this is a huge move for me (and the company).
Brenda got fired-- This chic in accounts payable got fired today. Of course they let her work all day and then fired her at 4:45!! lol Poor thing. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't expecting it until tomorrow. If I had worked all day and then been fired at the end of the day- at damn near the end of the week... Somebody might've had to call the police. lol
I'm a little salty--BF is going to his sister's graduation on Saturday. Did he bother to ask me to go??? Nope! He sux! Whatever! You see why his ass ain't gettin' no invite to wedding in Philly?

How the hell did we get here?

Am I obsessing?? Yep!! Dammit--aren't you tired of reading about BF??? I'm shole tired of typin' about his black ass!! Ok, I know I'm not tired enuff. When I am- I'll handle the situation - proper-like!!!!!

THE SURVEY

2006-05-11T07:29:00.000-07:00

Birthday: July 16th
Birthplace: Detroit, MI
Current Location: Little ASS Town, VA
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: naturally? reddish-brown... dyed reddish blonde
Height: 5ft 4
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: Black gal
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black Bandelino's
Your Weakness: a good smellin' man
Your Fears: Failure
Your Perfect Pizza: The Carnivore - Upper Crust
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: increasing my income by 100%, from what I made last year - I think I'm gonna make it!!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: It has to be a tie b/t OMG & WTF??
Thoughts First Waking Up: the snooze button gives me 7 more minutes...
Your Best Physical Feature: I gots me some pretty legz!
Your Bedtime: usually around 10 - Have to be at work at 7:30 a.m.
Your Most Missed Memory: Living around and hangin' out with my cousins
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonalds or Burger King: Mickey D's
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither
Chocolate or Vanilla: Depends on what we're talking about
Cappuccino or Coffee: Depends on how late I stayed up...
Do you Smoke: No - it makes your breath stink and your teeth yellow
Do you Swear: Yep & I anjoy it, DAMMIT!
Do you Sing: Yes, I sing in my car ...like it's the club!!
Do you Shower Daily: Ummm...yeah!
Have you Been in Love: Yep
Do you want to go to College: Been there, done that
Do you want to get Married: The jury is still out on that.
Do you belive in yourself: If I don't, who will?
Do you get Motion Sickness: Naw - that's for sissies... lol
Do you think you are Attractive: Yes, you have no idea. :-)
Are you a Health Freak: Not at all
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes, I'd love to be cuddled up with a special someone during the next storm.
Do you play an Instrument: No, but I always wished that I had learned to play the piano
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yep - I've had my share and perhaps yours, too
In the past month have you Smoked: No, didn't I say that it makes you bresath stink?? Why would I do that?
In the past month have you been on Drugs: No
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes, BF and I went to the Wizards, Cavs playoff game last weekend. I guess that was a date.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes, more than I should have - especially considering that this little ass mall has nothing in it!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yes, I helped present awards at my sorority's Honor's Tea for local high school students
In the past month have you been Dumped: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No, I've never done that, but it is on my list of things to do
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No
Ever been Drunk: Umm... yep
Ever been called a Tease: Yeah, but that was forever ago.
Ever been Beaten up: Beaten up? No, but I did get sucka punched in a local bar back home in Detroit
Ever Shoplifted: Yeah, but that was forever ago. ;-)
How do you want to Die: I'd prefer not to. but whatever it is, I hope it's not painful
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I'm a grown ass woman, dawg.
What country would you most like to Visit: Italy
In a Boy...
Favorite eye Color: I'm not particular
Favorite Hair Color: Doesn't matter
Short or Long Hair: I love clean cut caesars
Height: At least 5'10" (prefer 6')
Weight: not skinny- not fat. I've dated a big fat boy.... very unnattractive...
Number of Drugs I have taken: very, very few.... the extent of which, was weed
Number of CDs I own: I have a lot. Most of which had been transferred to my IPod
Number of Piercings: 3 in one ear - 2 in the other -- nothing exciting
Number of Tattoos: 2
Number of things in my Past I Regret: None

Dishonesty

2006-05-10T10:11:00.000-07:00

I haven't used this blog how I had intended to use it... This was going to be my online journal - until the last few years, I have always kept a journal and then life happened & I stopped taking the time to write down my thoughts.
This blogging was supposed to replace that, but it hasn't. Now I find myself not taking the time to do this. Initially I was saying that I didn't have anything to write about, but that's not really the truth. The truth is that I don't take enough time out to sit down and relax... I have also shied (sp?)away from writing about situations that are too personal and revealing. For what, I don't know.... it's not like I have anything to lose. It's not like I have revealed any identifying information and truth be told, people rarely even visit this blog, so what the hell? ;-)
So in my attempt to use this as I had intended, here goes:
I am going to be in a wedding in Philly in August. One of the Grooms men - a.k.a Ol' Boy - is the groom's brother. We had a little somethin' somethin' goin on for a while a few years ago, but it fizzled due to distance and some other factors. He lives about 2 1/2 hours from me in Raleigh, NC. Anyway, it is inevitable that he weill be escorting me down the aisle. (Everyone in our little circle wants us to hook-up) The event should turn out to be very interesting...
Because of our past anf the present atrocity that I refer to as a relationship with BF, I have decided to go by myself- without BF. This will be the first wedding that I have gone to with out BF, since we started dating 4 years ago. Since I've already decided that he's not going, I have refrained from talking about it very much. I don't want him to start thinking that he has a chance in hell to go.
Before October - that's when the bottom fell out of this relationship, I had all intentions of taking BF to the wedding and showing him off. I was going to introduce him to everybody and have a good time watching Ol' Boy roll his eyes and being all jealoous. At this point, there's really nothing to be jealous about.
Last night, BF & I went to dinner (Tuesday is DATE NIGHT) & he asked me if I plan on going to the wedding. I think that was just a lead in, because he knows I'm going... I can't remember whether or not told him that I'm in, but he should know... she's one of my closest friends.... anyway... I told him yeah and that was it... LOL After that, he got all quiet. I guess he was waiting for me to invite him to with me. HA! That ain't gone happen!!!!
It's not even that I'm planning on messing around with Ol' Boy, but BF deserves to worry a little bit. He's been a real ASSHOLE over the last few months!! That's probably the wrong attitude to have, but it's probably going to be getting worse before it's all over.
The worst part about this whole thing with BF is that i know the type of person that he can and has been, so it pisses me off that he has turned into this jerk. I'm giving a little while longer and then I'm throwin' in the towel.
Have you ever been in a relationship that you thought you should've have given up on, but had a hard time letting go?

country ass town

2006-04-29T06:59:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've been on, but somebody at work has blocked Blogger!! WTF?? Maybe I was spendin' too much time on the site. Whatever- where there's a will , there's a way... so here I am!!
It has been a great week and a terrible week all at once. I know it sounds strange, but believe me, it's definitely possible. Let's start with he good news, first -
I was able to pick up another account for my call center!!!! That is HUGE!! I don't know of any other dealership call centers that are working for multiple dealers (separate ownership). I'm sooo excited!!! It's not written in stone yet, but as long as it is possible - we will be turning the phones on on May 9th!!!! Yeah for me!!!!
The dealership that will be takin' in calls for is actually busier than our largest dealership!! What does that mean for me? More money & more business!!! There is a nother dealership that I would love to pick it. It's located in Atlanta, so if all goes well, that is my next goal!!! It looks like I will be increasing my income by atleast 80% this year. Remember - the goal is 100%.
The terrible part of the week is twofold. My phones - in the call center- have been REALLY quiet this week! I mean like abnormally quiet. Quiet days make for LONG days!!!!! I HATE slow, long days. I've had to send one of my girls home early, almost everyday tis week. I hate having to do that. I also hate them staring at me, asking "what do you want me to do , now?"
The second part of that is that I don[t really have anyone to hang out with in the evening after a long day!! I'm starting to feel like a prisoner here!! BF is sooo wishy washy these days - I kinda hold back on asking him to do anything. If he want's to do something, I let him bring it up. The girls in the office (not my employees) go out sometime, but not really like talkin' 'bout. My Soror, ROAD DOG, is in b/t jobs right now, so I hate to ask her. So that is the end of the list. How sad! I need to meet more people. I've been in this little country ass town for damn near 6 years!! I think I may be the problem. It's hard to know whether or not people are being genuinely nice, or just nosey. People in small towns want to know EVERY damn thing about you - yo momma, yo daddy, & the dog. It's hard for me to let my guard down.
Me, BF & his son, Shaud are going to the National Zoo tomorrow. I'm excited! This is the first time that all 3 of us have been out of town together since February '05. THis is Shaud's treat for having a good week in school. He's in the 1st grade this year. Hopefully, BF will leave the attittude at home & we can all have a good time.
He seems like he is doing better... His attitude is better and he's been talking about us "in the future", again. He's a weirdo.

R.I.P Don

2006-04-19T04:48:00.000-07:00

I've been away for a while, but there has not been much going on.

I found out yesterday that a guy that I used to work with was stabbed to death by his wife!! I didn't know him very well and I had never met her, but the news REALLY disturbed me. He had worked in the shop for a while and the first time I really paid attention to him was when his wife got really sick. She suffers from Crohn's (sp?) disease and she had a really bad flare up. He ended up have to take family medical leave for 3 weeks to take care of her and their child. After he cam back, I talked to him a few times about how his wife was doing & some other little small talk. He seemed to be really nice and soft spoken. I'm not sure what happened and you NEVER know what's going on behind closed doors. Some his neighbors said that they were not surprised because it was a very volatile relationship... So for now, all I know is that he's dead and his wife did it.. It is a very sad situation- they have a 6 year old child.
After I heard that news, I started thinking about how quickly life can change... What if the last time you saw a special somebody was the last time that you will see that person??? Tomorrow is definitely not promised...
On a brighter note... I went to Mooresville, NC for a couple days last week. I'm in the process of trying to expand the call center and I wanted to get some outside ideas. The visit went really well and I'm hoping to have something to brag about when I go to my 20 group in June. In case you're interested- Mooresville is known as Race City USA -- "redneck-ville". I took one of my employees- who is a big time race fan - so she was pretty excited to be there.
We went to this restaurant called Lancaster's BBQ. If you ever get a chance to stop by one, please do!!! Their food was soooooo good!!! I ate waaay after I should have stopped!! Pure gluttony<-- which explain why none of my clothes fit, right now. lol
I FINALLY figured out my pay plan!!! I know I talked about it a while ago, but I was trying to figure out what would be fair for ME. I decided to present the figures for what my office produces and then ask for 5% of that for my monthly bonus. 3% was what I was shooting for, but I started at 5% just in case he bucked at that. HE WENT FOR THE 5%!!!!!!!! He asked a couple questions about how I arrived at my figures and how I track production and then HE SIGNED OFF ON IT!!!!!!!!!! Yeah for me!!! Last month, my office produced 29k in up-sales! It was great month and everyone hit & exceeded their goals!!!! My office rocks!!!!
I'm going to Richmond this afternoon for a 2 day meeting. I'm going as a guest to talk to a couple dealers about running their service calls through my call center. I know their interested because I have talked to them before, but I need to reiterate the of having me do it, because I already have the know how and my office produces big numbers!!!! That means more money for me!! Which is the goal for this year..... I'm trying to increase what I brought home last year by 50%. That is an aggressive goal, but I think that I will be able to accomplish it. The new bonus pay plan is a HUGE step in the right direction.

Me - 101

2006-04-05T20:09:00.000-07:00

I've seen this on several blogs and I think it's a great idea. I enjoy reading them and thought it would be introspective for me to do my very own 101 things about me list. Soooo, here goes:

I was born and raised in Detroit
Detroit is always near and dear to my heart.
I enjoy watching Football (Lions - although they suck) & Basketball (go Pistons!!)
I love to dance and will dance all night regardless what the DJ is playing
Most of my good friends are people that I have known since childhood
I love to travel and have been to a number of different places, including: London, Paris, Madrid, Puerto Rico & Holland
My views on love have changed drastically since last year.
I love talking on the phone.
I love my DVR and I always record: House, America's Next Top Model, Monk & ER
My favorite song is I Tried (Anthony Hamilton)- I feel as though it was written from me to BF.
I keep in touch with most of my Ex-boyfriends, except for the last one that I dated for 7 years. If I ever see/talk to him again, it will be too soon.
I sleep butt-ball-ass NAKED.
I have been in love 4 times.
I started keeping a journal in the 3rd grade and kept it up well into college.
I have become addicted to blogging.
I lost my virginity at 15 (Awww.... JP...)
I had my first orgasm at 17 (Yeah Chuck!!)
I subscribe to Essence and Self magazines
I watch CNN and the weather channel every morning while getting ready for work.
I do not have enough fingers to count my past sexual partners
My Father has been married for 30 years, I am 30 years old - he and my mother were never married.
I need to lose 20 lbs.
I am the manager of a staff of five employees
I have a cat named Gypsey that I found as a stray when I was 16.
My favorite position is ME ON TOP. (control freak??)
I have several adult toys.
I prefer the ones that two people can use at the same time.
I believe that sex is about connecting with another person ... not just physically.
In another lifetime, I had a few one night stands.
I can't bowl worth a damn.
The saddest movie that I have ever seen was Hotel Rwanda.
I believe in supernatural entities.
I believe that EVERYthing happens for a reason.
I do not regularly attend church.
I think white people are too damned nosey.
I hate when people make general assumptions about black folx. lol
I collect black art ... mostly prints.
I hate that custom framing is so expensive.
My favorite piece is a signed and numbered piece, titled Sabrina (artist=> James Denmark )
I do not regret any decision that I have made.
I try to learn from past decisions, both good and bad.
I wish my Father and I had a more open and honest relationship.
I think that if I ever started telling him how I feel about some of the things that weigh heavenly on my mind, I may never be able to stop being angry.
I love my God Daughter very much.
I don't mind washing clothes, but I hate to fold them.
Weed was the extent of my illegal drug use.
I took my first drink of alcohol at the age of 15. ...it was Cisco (AKA crack water) and I got drunk off my ass.
I wish that I could speak Spanish, fluently- or at all, for that matter.
I can't live without my Ipod.
I have almost 800 songs, thus far.
I only use Dental Care baking soda tooth paste. =>Otherwise my teeth don't feel clean.
I have used Noxema everyday ... twice a day- since I was 15.
I am a member of a book club.
I started reading because one of my childhood best friends used to read all the time. She was the smartest person I knew. ;-)
I can never get in the bed early enough.
I never want to get out of the in the morning.
I just tried grapefruit and cottage cheese for the very first time a couple weeks ago. I like them both.
The rings on my cell phone are: Be Without You (Mary J. Blige), So Sick (?), Beautiful, Loved & Blessed (Prince)
I am Beautiful, loved & blessed
I enjoy my job more days than not.
I often feel overwhelmed at work, which causes me to cuss a lot.
I enjoy cussing a lot.
I don't cuss nearly as much as I used to.
I used to be crazy.
I hit one of my Ex-boyfriends with a car. Lol
He deserved it.
When I was young (& dumb), I thought I would ALWAYS love JP.
I no longer love JP.
I used to sing Used To Love Him (Lauryn Hill) about JP.
It helped me get over him. Whenever I hear it, I still sing it - about him...
I miss having good girlfriends that live close to me.
I have driven a Nascar on the Richmond International Speedway.
I am not a racing fan.
I used to own a table-top Ms. PacMan game.
My banana pudding is the bomb.
I listen to the Tom Joyner show on the way to work every morning.
I eat dry.Cheerios as a snack almost everyday.
BF has no idea how lonely I've been, lately.
I have been known to drink 8 shots of Tequila in one night.
I am impressed by the strong women in and my family and aspire to be like them.
I don't want to have to be strong all the time.
I collect elephants, and ceramic dolls.
I seriously considered being a stripper while I was in college.
I learned some handy little trips while hanging around the strip club.
I still use some of those tricks.
I used to still my Mother's car and go joy-riding with my friends.
IÂm lucky that she never caught me or I would not be blogging about it today.
I vacuum everyday.
My brass bed in my guest room is the bed that my Mom had when she was a little girl.
My Mom is the fairest, most down to earth person that I know.
I have 2 tattoos.
I am considering getting another one, soon... An Ankh on my lower back.
Alcoholism runs in my family.
I think community service is very important.
I feel guilty that I don't make more time to join my sorority in community projects.
I think it is very important to give blood.
I give every 56 days.
The worst movie that I have every seen was Black Knight.
I am very sarcastic.
I think that I am hilarious.
I take Vitamin E, Acidopholous,multi-vitamins multivitamin everyday.
I love life.
I thank God for the gift of life and love.

Salty This Sunday Morning

2006-03-26T05:51:00.000-08:00

It is 8 sumthin' Sunday morning and I have an attitude! Bf went to a wedding in Hampton his weekend and I have not heard a word from him since Friday night. I didn't call yesterday, because I figured I would hear from him when he got a free moment. I know how hectic it can get when you hook up w/ your boys that you rarely see. I have been guilty of waiting a while to call - more than once. But it is now Sunday and he has not called - not one time. Not at work... not on my cell... not at my house... hmmmmm...... I really don't think this negro gets this whole relationship thing anymore.
I started to call him yesterday evening, but I didn't feel like arguing, b/c you already know that that is what it would have been. Then I started to text him, but nothing good could have come from that, either. It would have been something smart like "you must be having a good time, since you can't even pick up the fuckin' phone and call" LOL - now who really wants to receive a text like that - you see, so it was best that I just didn't contact him at all. He sux. I need to do something about him. We have already given back each others keys... We took care of that last Sunday when we had a big ass argument. He swears that he wants to be with me, but not even 7 days after that big ass argument, I'm sitting here pissed off again!!
N.E.Wayz...
This is going to be a short week at work. I have to go a meeting in Winchester on Tuesday and Wednesday and then on Friday, I'm leaving for Raleigh. Come to think of it, this was probably the worst time for BF to go out of town and not call. I hate to be spiteful, but I do expect to be treated the way that he would like me to treat him.... So, I'm thinking that he won't be hearing much from me this week.
His actions make Ol' Boy look better and better every day.
N.E. Wayz...
I went to see Final Destination 3 last night with one of my Sorors. It was what I expected. Not too bad, considering what it was. It did get me out of the house for a bit and kept my mind off of BF. If I had been just sitting around the house, I would have been fuming and and the I would have HAD TO CALL.
Well, let me check out a few other blogs and then I guess I'll get out of here and go shopping. Have a good day!

Platonic friends???

2006-03-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

I went to my book club meeting last night. We had read Prodigal Husband by Jacqueline Thomas. It was pretty good and a fast read. After the games and initial discussion -someone asked the question "Do you think Men & Women can truly be PLATONIC friends?" Everyone had their only view on it, but this is what I think: It ALL depends on the circumstance - not the individual. I tend to believe that if there are 2 people that are attractive to one another and just friends, then eventually someone will cross the line- if only for a sneaky freak. Consider these circumstances:

Both of you are available (meaning that regardless of the individuals dating/marital status, he/she has entertained the possibility of seeing if the grass is really greener on the other side)
You confide in each other on the same level you would confide in a good girlfriend
You find him attractive - not necessarily fine. But he is someone that you would consider if you bumped into him out on the streets
No one would have to find out... y'all are cool and spend a great deal of time together, anyway.

Ok, so what would stop you??? I believe that if all of these circumstances presented themselves, then lines would be crossed. Not that I have experience in this matter, but I'm just sayin'. ;-) And if you believe that Men and Women can really be JUST FRIENDS, then is it safe to say that you don't have any problems with your significant other having best friends of the opposite sex?? Just a thought...
N.E.Wayz...
I'm going to Raleigh for The Women's Empowerment Convention this weekend. That's where Ol' Boy lives so, I will probably see him. He's my friend, Mik's, fiance's brother. We usually get together as a group every year at this time. I didn't bother tryin' to see him last year, because I was all about BF at the time... How things have changed in just 1 little year!!! Not that I'm not still feelin' BF, but I also am in serious need of some attention.
I'm not expecting any fireworks, but I'm looking forward to the trip. For one, I haven't seen Mik since last summer when she came to visit for our annual Ladies at The Lake weekend. Secondly- I always enjoy Chillin' out with this group of women. We are a diverse group of friends and family- ranging in age from 30-70 sumthin'. We all bring different views & life's experiences to the table. We solve the problems of the world for one weekend - every year. In the evening, we put on our club gear, leave the older crowd at home, go out on the town and drink, dance, & talk shit until the sun comes up.

JP on the brain

2006-03-24T05:40:00.000-08:00

I have had JP on the mind, since yesterday morning. I haven’t thought about him in so long and that phone call had me reminiscing about all the crazy times we had. I called my cousin to tell her that I had spoken to him and she wasn't even shocked or excited. After listening to my story, she went off on her own tangent and that was the end of that…. She’s always like that. I don’t even know why I still let it bother me. But that's a whole different story...
N.E.Wayz…

JP and I dated when I was 15 and he was 17. He was not my first boyfriend – that honor goes to O. But JP was the FIRST LOVE and Lawd knows I loved that Negroes dirty drawers!!!
I was his first love as well- so we had some things goin’ on.
We broke up every other Tuesday and got back together the following Thursday. LOL - kid stuff!
All and all, we dated for about a year, but it seemed like forever! We broke up for good when I went away for Christmas break (11th grade) and he started screwin’ this chic named Yanna… Long story short- they ended up getting married several years later and he invited me to the wedding, so I attended. That probably sounds crazy but we had kept in touch over the years and I was sooo over him by the time he got married.

He has asked my cousin about me several times over the years and she told him that I was doing fine and kept him updated on the major events of my life – like graduating from NSU starting my new career, and building my house… All I really know of him, now is that he is married (obviously) and he has 2 children – one of which he had brought to see me a few times while I was home from school. You see, he ended up having a lot of regrets regarding our situation. I’m his ONE THAT GOT AWAY. You know that song by Babyface – What If?

So he didn’t call last night and I don’t know that he will. If he doesn’t, it’s no big deal, but I would love to talk to him! I believe that it’s good to keep up with your past – to an extent. It helps me appreciate how far I’ve come.

Loved Me Some Him...

2006-03-23T14:45:00.000-08:00

My morning got off to a crazy start. This morning while I was sitting at my desk, I was thinking of a hundred excuses to get out of doing any kind of work today. The real issue is that I was just too damned tired. I had sorta planned on trying to come in a little late, but that didn't happen.
N.E. Ways...
I was standing out in the hall chatting with a couple co-workers when I heard my cell phone ringing on my desk I went a grabbed it from off of my desk and answered it once I got out in the hall. Before I answered it, I realized that it was an unfamiliar 313 number(Detroit- my hometown). When I answered it, I could hear someone talking, but it wasn't clear. After saying hello several times, I just hung up. Initially I was concerned about it, but then I started thinking that it was one of my relatives tryin' to contact me for a reason - so I called the number back.
When the phone was answered it was a familiar male voice, but I didn't know who it was.

=> Hello?
=> Hey, what's up?
=> Nothin', how are you?
=> I'm fine.
=> Do you know who this is?
=> No
=> It's JP.....

Okay, JP is from waaaaay back in the day. He was my first LOVE. Now even though this relationship was in high school I still remember how crazy in love I was with him. I think I loved him more than his own Momma did - at the time. We have had some CRAZY times, and we haven't talked in YEARS. As a matter of fact, I don't remember the last time I talked to him, but I want to say that it's something crazy like 5-6 years ago. The last time we really hung out was the summer that he got married.... Strange, right? We didn't kick it - it was just that I was home from school for the summer and we just seemed to spend a lot of time together.... He's my God Daughter's God Father. We go waaay back.
Imagine my shock when it was HIM on the other end. We small-talked for a few minutes and then I got off the phone. My office phone lines were all lit up. I told him to give me a call later on. Who knows whether he will or not, but we'll see. I'd actually like to talk to him. I haven't even thought about him in a grip.

RACIST or JUST IGNORANT???

2006-03-15T05:19:00.000-08:00

Please check out this link!!! Who's teaching our children?
http://www.whas11.com/sharedcontent/VideoPlayer/videoPlayer.php?vidId=49293&catId=49

random rambling

2006-03-12T16:25:00.000-08:00

Well, I got my apology... BF called right after I finished blogging about his insensitive, rude ass behavior. Why did this negro have the nerve to try to STILL have an attitude??? I don't think he realized the depth of how bad my day actually was.
He was trying' to give me some bullshit, but I was not going for it! He finally apologized when he shut up long enough to realize that this was a serious BAD DAY and not just some penny-Anny bullshit bad hair day or something'.
My Mom and I went to DC to see the Pistons play the Wizards. I was so excited!! I hadn't been to a game since I moved away from Detroit 13 years ago!! It's hard to believe that I've been away for that long!!!! CRAZY!!!! Anyway, Although the Pistons have the best record in the NBA, they got their asses WHOOPED!!!!!! What?? This is the worse whoopin' they have received during this whole season!!!! The wizards were droppin' 3's like they were going' outta style!!!! So even thought my boys lost, we still had a good time. Afterward, we ate at Legal Seafood. The food is really good!! While we were waiting to be seated, I ran into an old friend of mine from high school. I hadn't seen her in a few years and it was really odd to run into her in DC, seeing as though we grew up in Detroit.
We were never really close, and I had to dig in her ass once or twice. It's funny when you grow up, how all that old bull just goes away. I'm so mature!! lol It was really good to see her, though. I got her info and told her that I will keep in touch. I try to get to DC a couple times a year, so maybe I'll give her a call next time.
Oh yeah -I talked to Ol' Boy the other night. He called while he was on break. He works 7p-7a, I work 7:30a-6:30p.... just another addition to the list of why we would never work out. He wasn't talking about much of anything, but sometimes it's just nice to talk to him.
I'll probably see him in April, when I visit his hometown... I don't expect anything big to happen. I'm not even feel' him like that anymore. He' s going to be in a wedding that I'm going to be in- in September. What do you want to bet that he'll be escorting me down the aisle?? Isn't that funny? Our friends are a trip. Guess what? I am NOT taking BF. First of all that would just be waaaay too weird and with the way things have been going, we may not be together at that time, anyway. Sad, but true.... Things are just soooo different from what they were. I'm tired of talkin' about it to him and bloggin' about it, but you how you have something on your mind that you just feel compelled to talk about??? That's how I feel about this situation. SO, I'll be talking about it until it's over or fixed - I'm not sure which will come first.
I wish I wasn't obsessed with this situation, but it just blows my mind how much has changed in just 1 year. Last year, for Valentine's Day we went to his cousin's wedding in Hampton. We had THE BEST TIME EVER. I don't know what it was about that weekend, but it was GREAT!!!! We had been building up to that and it stayed like that for months... and now it's like this--WTF??? How did we get here??
I'm doing better at pulling a way from him, though. Friday night he stopped by - unannounced- which is not a big deal, but I was in the bed KNOCKED OUT. He called and told me that he was on the porch and wanted to know if I was going to open the door or did I just want him to let himself in. I told him neither and that I would have to see him later. It wasn't that I didn't want to see him at all. but in order for him to come in, I would've had to get up and turn the alarm off. I just couldn't do it. He was pissed, but I didn't trip. Why should I sit around just waiting for this negro to show up or care??? Hmmmm.. that just doesn't make sense. The bottom line is that I need to do what makes me happy an the truth is that he's not doing it...... the question is why am I sitting around not doing anything about it?? The answer: I love him. SAD. How long will I be in this predicament?? I wish I knew.
=> I'm going into the 2nd week of my diet and things are still going well. I think I may have lost a little weight. I'm not weighing myself, I'm just basing it on how I feel in my clothes. I actually wore some pants to work on Friday that I hadn't worn in a while. I was supposed to do Tae.bo tonight, but after being on the road 3 1/2 hours from DC - I'm just too tired. Tomorrow- it's back to business!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

Pissy Day

2006-03-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

I have two days of Tae.bo under my belt. I had never done it before and that shyt is hard. I hope this pays off - you know swimsuit season is right around the corner, right?? I have to keep reminding myself of that. I'm pretty sore, so I guess it must be working. The only place I have to workout is in my TV room which is right in front of a window which is facing my neighbors house. hehehe- Hopefully their not peepfreaks, but phukum if they have nothing more interesting to do than watching kickboxin' the fat away. Afterall, working out is definitely not he most interesting thing that I've done in that room. ;-)
My new person started in the office on Tuesday. I am very pleased with her, so far. She is a little younger than most of the people that I have hired, but I think she is going to work out just fine. I'm pleased with her and she came back to the office 3 days in a row!!! Which is more than I can say for at least 3 other people that I had hired over the last 2 years.
I had a bad day at work, today. It's upsetting and I don't even feel like going into the details. After having a pissy day, BF acted like a fuckin' asshole. Now I had already told this negro when I talked to him earlier that I was having a bad day. I was super busy from beginning to end and I didn't have time (or take time) to call him ALL day. I got off early and headed to dinner with a few girlfriends. I called him on my way to dinner and he didn't answer, so I didn't worry about leaving a message. He calls while I'm sitting at the table and I answered the phone while I was in the middle of talking to someone at the table. No big deal, right?? Well, by the time (one to two seconds) that I said hello, he was hollering HELLO on the phone. Okay - that is not a good start... He got rude once I asked him why he was yellin' on the phone. I excused myself from the table, because this was obviously not heading in a good direction. I went outside to finish talkin' and he was carrying on like some kind of phucken loon. I told him that I had already had a bad day and that I didn't need his shyt. You know this negro said "well calm me when you have some phucken sense!!!" -OK, I hung up before he finished, because his ass was REALLY trippin'!!!!!! Needless to say, he will NOT be receiving a call - tonight or any other!!! How rude!!!!! Selfish bastard!!! I deserve an apology dammit and I'm going to be pissed off until I receive it!!!
Well I guess I'm getting in the bed. Thankfully tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!! Unfortunately, I'm on this diet and am forced to skip my Friday morning Bacon and Spinach Souffle at Panera's. Regardless - I'm going to have a better day tomorrow - even if I have to kill someone to achieve it!!! Just kidding - sort of. ;-)

Starting today...

2006-03-06T08:13:00.000-08:00

I'm back from Charlotte!!

=> Charlotte was good! We had a really good time! We partied and drank & partied and drank!! So that was cool...

=>I TALKED to Ol' Boy, but we didn't see each other. I sent him a text Saturday night and he called me. Come to find out, we had partied right across the street from one another Friday night. We talked for a minute - about nothing in particular and that was it. No fireworks, no nothin'. It was nice to talk to him, because it's been a while, but that was it.

Honestly, I called him because of the stuff (or lack of stuff) that's going on w/ BF & I. If all we're good b/t us, Ol' Boy would be the last person on my mind. The reason that I left him alone, initially, is because things started getting serious b/t BF & I and I realized that as long as I was keepin' in contact w/ Ol'' Boy that we couldn't move forward. So, this is what I get for trying to be honest, up front and mature. I should have known there would be consequences!

=> My girl did not leaving me hangin'. She is really cool to hang out with. You never know how folks will act, but it worked out good. She likes to dance as much as I do, so we stayed on the floor for the whole weekend!!! We didn't get in until 5:30 a.m. on Saturday and she was cool with that. We'll definitely be coincide of town again. As a matter of fact, we have planned to go back to Charlotte on a shopping trip sometime this Spring.

My diet started Today...

=> Plain Oatmeal is some nasty shit!!! I put cinnamon, fresh strawberries and 2 packets of Splenda in it. It was gross- but I choked it down!! You know swimsuit season is right around the corner?!?!?!

=> Ok, I must be really greedy! By 10:30, I was starting to feel faint. I had some cottage cheese - for the first time ever. It's not the worst thing that I've ever tasted, but I had to really concentrate so that I wouldn't throw up. I bought a couple of those little cottage cheese and fruit tubs, so that's what I'll be snacking on throughout the week. I need to rid myself of about 20 lbs. For lunch, I'm having a whole wheat pita with turkey, spinach, low fat cheese & low fat dressing and an orange. Doesn't that sound sooo exciting?? Well, after I finish torturing myself throughout the day, I'll go home and do some Tae.bo. All this healthy eating and exercising that I am about to embark on better do me some good!!!

Flamin' Panties Are Not Cute

2006-03-01T08:51:00.000-08:00

Old Boy From Back In The Day -- The CIAA tournament is this weekend!!! I still haven't talked to Ol' Boy. He called and left me a message last week some time and I've yet to call him back. I'm very leary of trying to contact him. Why?? Because he is not the one that I want. I already know what he's about and I don't think that we would ever work out. The perfect scenario would be that we just run into each other at a party or something... The likelihood of that happening: NONE. I have been very conflicted about this. I was talking to one of my girlfriends and she said DO NOT CALL HIM. She remembers the days that I would have walked across hot coals with gasoline doused panties on. (the lacy, frilly ones- of course ;-)
I'm a little nervous about my travels this weekend. I'm going with one of my Sorors that I have never traveled with before. We met sometime last year and we hit it off - right away. She is super cool, so I know we'll have a good time, but she is super friendly & I don't think she plans on hangin' around me for most of the time. She appears to be one of those people who is going to get to the club and go do her own thing- then we'll just meet up at the end of the night or when we decide to go.... Usually, my girls and I go together and pretty much hang out together throughout the night with the exception of tearing up the dance floor. I don't want to be wondering looking all lost...

Oh Happy Day!!

2006-02-27T14:58:00.000-08:00

I just ordered my new laptop!!! I'm sooo glad!! The old one must be the very first laptop that they ever made!! And although I tend to exagerate at times, this thing is REALLY old. How about it has Windows 98 on it!!! Yeah - see what I mean?? Anyway, now I think I'll get a chance to blog much more often. I'm so excited!!!

blah, blah, blah

2006-02-25T11:23:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I haven't written more.... I think that I am intimidated by some of the REALLY GOOD blogs that I have read. N.E.Ways... My boyfriend has turned into a ROBOT. He is NOT the man that I fell in LOVE with. It's easy to say "just get rid of him" "he's not the only man on earth", blah, blah, blah - but it's just not that easy for me. He is, by no means, my first love - but there is definitely something special about him. Until a few months ago, I was convinced that he was made JUST FOR ME... Why?? Well -- he's smart, caring, funny, down to earth, and CUTE. He put up with ALOT of shit for a LONG time, when we first met. I had just gotten out of a CRAZY ASS relationship and it took me some YEARS to get myself together. He was there thru all of that and now that I've come out on the OTHER SIDE--- HE IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MAN. I have already asked all of the difficult questions?
Is there someone else?
Do you still love me?
Do you even care about me?
Where do you think this is heading?
He says that his life is REALLY hard right now and that's it. My problem is that life is ALWAYS going to be hard... If this is how he handles it, should I just bounce???
Last Sunday, I had had enough - Enough of feeling unwanted - rag doll style... I called him and told him that I needed to talk to him. We hooked up and I just told him that if this is the best that he could, then I was done with him that night. I expressed my exasperation at feeling left out and let down and although I would be sad to leave him, I certainly would be no sadder than I have already been over the last few months any fuckin' way.
I explained that I have already cried for the last time over him... Not that I no longer care, but because I cannot walk around with a full bucket of tears... avoiding all bumps because one little glitch would send me spiraling, uncontrollably, into a certified FIT. That is not who I am....
We used to have goodbyes that lasted close to and sometimes over an hour. We would kiss and caress forever! We still did that well into the relationship... Now- there is NONE of that... Last night we met for dinner - which was a huge shock. At the end I gave him a ride to his car and we kissed.... It was the most pathetic kiss ever kissed... Pathetic- some shit that you might use on your grandma (or a Robot) .... a peck - lips barely fuckin' touched and that was it... He jumped in his little car and we went our own separate ways... No- call me later - NOTHING. I went and hung out for a bit and then went home and got in the bed. I didn’t call him, he didn’t call me and that was it. This morning, there was no mention of the fact that we didn’t talk last night. So sad....
So, what now?? Who the hell knows....
Well.... the CIAA Tournament is next weekend and Ol' Boy From Back In The Day is going to be there. We haven't talked, but we have been in contact, recently. He sent me a text on V-Day and I called and left him a message a couple days later. He called back and left another message - bona fide PHONE TAG. I'm kinda avoiding dealing with I’m right now. I'm so starved for attention/affection - there is no telling what I might do. I would love to see him, because he is so nice to look at, but what would that do for me?? Nothing, other than complicate things in the long run. I'll keep you posted.

This is for the birds...

2006-02-04T06:13:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to develop my own pay plan. Now, I know that sounds like an easy task, but it's not.
I work for my Dad & have since I graduated from NSU in 2000. For the most part, everything has gone well & I really enjoy my current position. I am the BDC Manager and my department ROCKS!!!! We have done wonders for 2/3 service departments that we have taken on. So much so, that other dealers are considering outsourcing MY center to take on THEIR service departments!!! That is HUGE!!!
This is the problem: I feel as though I should be making more money. I work 7:30 to 6:30 Monday thru Friday and 8 to whenever...I usually leave sometime b/t 12 & 2. I eat a whole lot lunches sittin' at my desk!!! Not necessarily because I HAVE to, but if I don't stay and get the work done, who will??? My staff is really good, but they have their limits.
Lately I've been working like a damn dog on one of the largest projects that we have taken on, yet. This project is going to take up a ton of time, that I already have to squeeze a bunch of different tasks into. Ok, so now I want some more money!!
I talked to THE BOSS last night about this situation. THE BOSS that also ahppens to be my DAD. Okay, so I explained why I think I need a raise. He explained why he disagrees.
I say:

I work LONG, hard hours - I am often the FIRST person in the building and the LAST one out
My Call Center ROCKS!! We have done a great jobs & we have the numbers to prove it
My pay is a mediocre salary with miniscule monthly bonuses
There are Managers that do ont put in the time and effort that i do, don't work weekends, and would have a fuckin' coronary if they had to work after 5:00 p.m.

He says:

I am not working for "now", I'm working for the "future" --all of this will be mine someday which should ber more important that what I take home now
I didn't have any student loans to pay
My gas & mortgage are taken care of, so I don't need anymore money because I must be just blowing what I have
He agrees that my department ROCKS & that I do work LONG ass hours!!

Now, I must say that my Dad does a A LOT for me & I don't mean to sound ungrateful. But WHY should I be the lowest compensated Manager in the whole fuckin' operation??? That just does not make sense to me!! So, last night at the end of the conversation, he said that I can draw up a pay plan proposal and we will discuss it today (Saturday).

I'm having a problem making the plan because the output from my department is not CONCRETE. It doesn't show up anywhere on the financial statement. So it's hard to say "if we do so many of these things that I should receive this amount". I have to come up with something though, because this pay is for the birds!

Sensitive to the touch

2006-01-28T08:06:00.000-08:00

I went out to karaoke last night. That's exciting to me, because I rarely go out. I live in a little country ass town, in which I did not grow up. I have found it difficult to meet people, but I';m sure that's my fault. I think that I'm a nice person, but not a necessarily friendly person - if that makes any sense. I know this is true because last night, the (white) guy that was with us has only been living in this town since this past Sunday. Not even a week after his arrival, he is out with 3 black women!!!! So, I need to get out more.
I was a little uncomfortable last night. One of my Sorrors must have used the word NIGGA about 90 times last night!! Don't get me wrong... I don't have a problem with the word, but I would NEVER use it in the company of white folk. The one time that I did, by mistake, I decided to stop using the word all together. I figured that I must have been using it entirely too much, if I would make the mistake of using it in front of some white boy that I barely knew. Granted, I was talking to another black person at the time, but that was just over the top.
How do I know that homeboy won't get the impression that NIGGA is a cool word, mix it up in his vocabulary, and spit it out the next time he hangs out with us (or anyone for that matter). That is crazy. Am I over sensitive to this matter?

Interesting news...

2006-01-26T12:59:00.000-08:00

I'm going to the CIAA tournament. I just found out that an old FRIEND is going as well. Now, the likelihood of me RUNNING into him is SLIM. Unless..... I call him and plan to meet up with him.
I would love to see him because I just like the way he looks. :-) It has been a couple of years since we have seen eachother and I'm over him, but I'm also starving for affection. I am NOT getting it from my BF and I need some attention!!!
The downside is that as cute as he is, he really isn't worth the trouble. He's nice to look at, but his conversation leaves much to be desired. Sex with him is a real snooze. Trust me... I tried it a couple of times, just to make sure that he wasn't just having a bad night. lol
So why do I even bother??? I DON'T KNOW!! I GUESS I'M JUST BORED!!! I know I should not call him, unfortunately I am not certain that I won't.

Am I really that crazy?

2006-01-26T11:42:00.000-08:00

I've never considered myself to be a particularly jealous person... Until this year. I have had a terrible time... I am 3o years old and I had NEVER done a DRIVE BY - until this year!!!
After not hearing from BF late at night and not being able to get in touch with him. I left my house at 3 in the morning and drove past his house to if there was anyone parked over there!!!!! Obviously there wasn't. Otherwise, I would be blogging from jail. lol - this relationship has REALLY had me tripping, lately. (note- it only takes 5 minutes to get to his house, from my mine....3 when I'm mad)
Usually. I'm a pretty trusting person. I've have had my share of good & bad relationships, but through it all I have prided myself in NOT being the prodding, doubting, questioning Girlfriend. Either you told me the truth or you didn't. If it was a lie, I would deal with it when I found out and go about by business.
The relationship between my BF and I has been so rocky that I have questioned him - on several occasions. It had gotten to the point that I'm surprised we didn't break up over the questions- alone.
The good news is that I've gotten over that part... I figure whatever will be, will be. There is NO need to drive myself insane over things that I have no control over. Our relationship is better, but nothing like it was 7 months ago. :-( The shit was driving me CRAZY.
To remedy my impending insanity, I have decided to back off for a bit. If this relationship works out, it will be because he put in some effort. Otherwise, we'll just kinda melt away. (sad) I don't call like I used to. He has got to step up to the plate!!! Unfortunately, it's 3:00 and we haven't talked since about 9 this morning. Now, this may not be shocking to some, but we used to ALWAYS talk throughout the day.... For the second day in a row. :-( This is so sad to me. Oh well, I feel as though I have done everything that I know to do. I'll just have to see how this works out...

Boys are weird...

2006-01-25T05:47:00.000-08:00

Last night, I got an email from an ex. We have a looong history, although we've been broken up for longer than our relationship lasted.
N.E. Way-
he emails: Hey stranger how are you. You were just on my mind after looking through our year book. So I thought I would say hi since it been a minute since our last communication.
I email:
Hey!
What's up? There is nothing exciting going on. I'm at work, as usual - slaving myself to death. lol, this better be worth it in the long run!!
Work is slow today, so it seems like I have been here FOREVER!! I just helped a friend of mine get a loan approval for a car, so I guess that's exciting.
What's new in your 'hood?
he emails: Nothing much just trying to be the best father to my daughter.
I email: great idea!!

Ok, Is it me? or is that a weird exchange?? What a weirdo!
BACKGROUND: I USED TO GO BANANAS OVER THIS BOY!! WE HAVE KEPT IN TOUCH FOR YEARS OVER THIS WONDERFUL LITTLE THING CALLED THE INTERNET. I'M OVER THAT NOW, SO I'M COOL WITH JUST BEING FRIENDS. SO THE COMMENT ABOUT THE DAUGHTER JUST SEEMED REALLY ODD.

Love Sux...

2006-01-24T12:42:00.000-08:00

...Or maybe it's just my boyfriend that sux!
Here's the situation. My BF & I started out under REALLY weird circumstances. (He was a new hire at my Dad's firm, where I also worked) I had not long been broken up with a guy that I dated for 7 years, when we met. So, it took me a REALLY long time to come around and get serious about this relationship. I'm not one of those people that falls in love at the drop of a dime - it's hard for me, what can I say???
Ok, so we've made it through all of that... everything has been goin' really well. I even received a ring for my last birthday! It wasn't THE big time engagement ring, but a symbol of where we've been and where we're headed. <- His words, not mine. Well, now, he's completely different. I'm mean like a totally different person. He doesn't take time to call like he used to. He's not the sensitive, intelligent, communicating man that I fell in love with. The problem is that I KNOW the type of man that he can be and HAS been for the past fews years, so it's hard to just let him go. What's a girl to do?? We have talked more times than I care to mention. It's so frustrating!! I wanna just scream!!!
Now, to his defense... he has a ton of stuff going on in his life. He hates his job, he has deadbeat BM, and his family is a mess. All of that... plus me. This is the problem: How can he be expected to handle all of that and me??? But that's exactly what I expect. We we so happy, for so long!! Now we're just barely making it.... What the hell??